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17.7.17

Lust List | June 2017

Although I've had a Pinterest account for a long time now I had mostly used it for quotes. Until two years ago when I discovered tattoos and then more recently I've become absolutely obsessed with it.
Pinning tattoos, nails, make up, hair, quotes and articles.

I wanted to put together monthly posts..."Lust Lists" sharing basically what I have been lusting after the most.

After seeing and falling in love with the lip colour Jamie Genevieve used in her summer make up tutorial I desperately had to get it. I went shopping with a friend of mine and we managed to find a Boots that sold the colour Jamie was wearing and I had a serious lust fest over the other colours in the range. I wanted to see how well the soft matte lip cream lasted before I went and bought more colours and so far I am impressed and have therefore made a list of future purchases.



With my holiday to the Isle of Man planned I was being positive about what the weather would be like and decided to go shopping for some shorts. I absolutely love denim shorts. Knee length ones don't suit me at all so I do tend to go for shorter shorts...especially as I also have my thigh tattoo which I do like to show off.
I loved these shorts I found in Peacocks. They only cost £10 and were super comfortable and stretchy. I find that Peacocks can be a bit hit and miss with quality but these are fantastic and really well made. I have a special soft spot for the 90's stripe pair too. 



13.7.17

Your Beautiful Life

I love looking back on old Instagram posts. Reigniting certain memories. 
I've always been quite open about my life. Probably an oversharer to some, but I document the good and the bad days. And have never been bothered about doing that because it felt right.

In the last 3 weeks, I've gone back over Instagram and hardly recognised a lot of what I had previously posted. The quotes and the moments of feeling down, because I realised that it wasn't me. It was nothing significant, relevant and actually, my life was ok. I just had this tint over it, a negative tint, of something I was going through that was damaging me. That was making me blind to all of the good things in my life. Blind to who I am and what I deserved. 
I started to feel so negatively about myself. I stopped wanting to completely make an effort. I compared myself to so many other people. I thought I wasn't good enough. 
I thought I didn't deserve to be happy and wouldn't find myself someone who saw me as being beautiful. 

I was just this damaged person. Cracked and chipped. A cast off. A second. Not worth being a priority. Not worth much at all.

Looking through those posts made me feel sorry for that version of me who felt like that was real life. 
That person who doubted everything. Who felt emotionally, mentally controlled and bullied...when she shouldn't have been. 

And then it all changed, 3 weeks ago.  
When compliments from a stranger gave me a boost. When conversations about tattoos made me feel like I wasn't unattractive. When someone came along who wanted to get to know me. 
I couldn't quite believe it at first. As I looked at his photos and got butterflies in my tummy, and how I didn't want to stop texting him to get to know more about him.

In no time at all, I felt happy. I felt like I was worth so much more than I and felt in a while. 
A 4 hour walk along the beach, laughing, joking, with flirtatious knocking into him, and a little bit of hand holding, made my body feel so overwhelmed with happiness that I didn't quite know how to cope. 
A battle in my head occured. Was this real? Surely he didn't enjoy himself too? I waited for the message to say he wasn't into me.
2 and a half weeks on, that message still hasn't arrived. Instead, messages that make me smile the biggest smiles. Messages that make me feel good about myself. That make me feel important, wanted, attractive...

I've not felt so excited about life or so happy and content in a long time. 
I've not felt so strong but at the same time, so comforted and supported for a long time. 

This new me. The one who smiles more often than she cries. The one who wakes up everyday and looks forward to what each day brings. The one who looks back on the past week and feels happy by what has happened. 
The one who is excited for her future. Who appreciates how beautiful her life is and how it will only get better.

The me from the past, the one who would post sad things on Instagram, posts that I have now deleted to clear my head and to help forget about how I felt, I've turn the pages on her, and am so ready for this next chapter. 

10.7.17

Isle of Man 2017 | Fairy Bridge

I remember when I first went to the Isle of Man. My brother told me that on the way to the campsite the taxi would be taking me past the Fairy Bridge and told me I had to wave and say hello to the fairies for good luck.
The taxi driver pointed the bridge out to me, I saw bikes parked on the road and leather clad men stood looking down at the stream and reading the tree and the messages on the stones. I didn't wave, it felt a bit silly to be honest, although the idea was sweet and I certainly didn't expect to see grown men in leathers, big beards...proper MEN, standing saying hello to fairies.

My brother took me along to the bridge the following day and we had a look. The tributes were lovely, but I didn't really pay too much attention to what was there. Last year being the same.

This year though, I had a day of exploring by myself and I went along in my car and decided to take my camera...and thankfully took my sunglasses to hide the tears that filled my eyes.
I decided to really take time to look at what was pinned to the trees, the special items people had hung from branches, the etched marks in the stones, the stickers on the Fairy Bridge sign. The plaques rested by the stream, the bike gloves laid in tribute to a fallen rider.

The more I go to the island, the more I watch the sport, the more I learn about it, the more I feel this emotional, mental link to anything to do with the island and with the sport itself. Not even the sport, just bikes too I suppose.

Reading the tributes made me think back to who I was back in 2015 when I thought it was all a bit silly. The Fairy Bridge to me, now, brings everyone together. It gives everyone, of all ages, race, nationality or belief, a little hope and comfort.

As I stood there, longer than others, watching people come and go, I realised the change in how my body felt. My head felt lighter, my body felt lifted. Because although a lot of what you read and see is sad, the atmosphere at the Fairy Bridge is beautiful. Truly beautiful.

And now everytime I drive past that bridge, I wave and say hello to those Fairies. For good luck, and for respect.