Pages

1.3.11

When do you make that cut?


[Warning, this isn't very well written, doesn't go into as much depth as I'd of liked, but is something I just NEED to get out]

During middle school friendships weren’t amazing, there were two groups of girls who would one minute be ok with me, and the next would be bullying me. It was really hard to go through, and completely ruined a hard time in life anyway (puberty!!)

One girl in particular went from being my best friend, to being on “the other side”. She has always spoken her mind, without thinking that she may hurt someone’s feelings, which would be fine but she’s very far from perfect.
A comment that will always stay with me was something she’d said about my lips, I know it sounds silly, and thankfully it didn’t bother me, but it’s still stayed with me. I have a pouty bottom lip. She made the comment that I “could probably get the fat sucked out of it”. This was almost 15 years ago and the moment is still so fresh in my mind.
I think the reason why it has stayed with me is because it’s the moment I realised that she wasn’t kind.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am oversensitive. I can turn almost any comment into a dig (I mean someone making a dig, not me making digs) so I do realise that I can take a lot of things to heart, but with this girl, my oversensitivity isn’t an issue, she is just heartless and blunt.

Over the last couple of years there has still been things that she’s said that makes me angry, with that feeling of adrenalin pumping through your body.
The past week as just become too much, this is partly to do with my hormones and oversensitive side but also that fact that she is pushing something that she knows is winding me up. Today I sat here shaking, (what she said wasn’t that bad at all but she’s pushed me so much that it couldn’t take anymore) and that’s when I realised things have to change. They HAVE to.

So, I now come to the point where I say when is it time to cut her off?

I find with the current popularity of Facebook that people are SO sensitive about being deleted, and I can’t handle deleting someone and then getting constant text messages and Facebook inbox messages asking why they had been deleted etc. So, I’m thinking that my only way of getting this under control is to stick her on a “limited profile”.

I absolutely hate the fact that I feel I have to keep these people as part of my life, lets face it, Facebook makes them part of that! And I wish that I could delete people and they accept it. I wish it was so easy just to cut people off and not have to worry about hassle in doing so.
I never see her in real life, it’s a Facebook friendship now really, as most friendships seem to be, but there’s the possibility I could bump into her when out and about, and she would be likely to say something, and I wouldn’t know how to react.

At 25 I wonder why [some] girls still feel the need to have to wind each other up, to feel that superiority over each other. Why can’t we just get on with our lives, building our homes, raising our children, etc.
I love the feeling of getting older, being more mature, but then someone comes along, makes a little dig, makes a little comment to wind me up, and I feel like I’ve gone back 15 years, back to middle school, back to the time I felt so insecure and constantly on edge about what people think of me…

I don’t want to feel like that anymore, picked on for the music I was into, picked on for silly tiny little things, by girls who were a lot less perfect than me, who have never grown up it seems.