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25.6.11

Breastfeeding Guest Post: The Selfish Me


For 9 months I grew. nurtured and cared for this tiny new person.
I kept him warm, fed and alive for all that time.
Then would come his day to arrive in the big world, where there would be all these other people wanting to do the same thing I had been doing for those 9 months.
I didn't like it.
I wasn't ready for it.
I wanted those responsibilities to remain my own (with the only addition being my husband) for a little while longer.
He was [is] our baby and our son afterall.

Breastfeeding was the one thing ONLY I could do. The only thing I could provide and give him that no one else could do.
It transpired that this would also be the only way to comfort him if he hurt himself, would be the only way to get him to nap [unless we were in the car/out with him in the pram] or sleep at night.
Until he was 12 months he would not drink from anything other than me. We tried every bottle and every cup but no, breast for him was best. 

No matter how much people tried to sooth him when hurt or tried to get him to sleep they couldn't, he needed me. And only me.

Selfish. Maybe.
But as much as I was giving him what he wanted (lets be honest, I wasn't forcing him to breastfeed and to need me in this way) he was giving me what I wanted, and what I needed.
The feeling of still being the most important person in his life, being the one he depended on the most.

Selfish. Maybe.
Do I regret or feel guilty about these feelings? Most certainly not.