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15.6.11

What if they got it wrong?

I've blogged before about the 20 week scan and finding out the sex. Both times we have found out the sex of our baby. 
Mainly due to the fact that, simply, we could.
Also so that we could prepare clothes etc.
We could decide on a name.
We are impatient.

So when we found out we were expecting baby number two there was no question about whether or not we'd find out.
The sonographer stayed in "that area" for a while and we clearly saw that we are expecting another boy.
"So, taking your professional hat off, if you were me, would you buy blue clothes?" I asked the sonographer, the exact same question I asked when pregnant with Charles. "Yes" she replied.
Brilliant.

So, name chosen, we've bonded with my bump as a boy, everyone is expecting a grandson, nephew, godson, son and most importantly.....brother.

I sat in the bath recently thinking about how this birth could be, thinking about how Charles' birth was. How even though I knew I was expecting a boy I still felt between his legs straight away as I held him in the birthing pool, double checking with the midwives that I had just given birth to a boy.
Again, one thing I think I will do is to check the sex, even though we've already been guaranteed that he is a he.

But.
It dawned on me.

What if he did turn out to be a she. What if the baby we'd bonded with as a boy was infact a girl. And X [baby name yet to be revealed] was actually Evelyn [the girls name we'd chosen].

I can't help but feel that it would be such "hard work" to then bond with this baby.
I know that this happens and that people are told one sex and it turned out to be wrong, but it seems this is done more in the case of told a girl, had a boy.

Don't get me wrong, if this baby was a girl and they had got it wrong, she would still be loved and still be welcomed into the family.
But it would possibly take longer to slot into our family unit than if the boy we are expecting was the be born. He's already part of the family. He's already talked about. He's already involved in things.
He's here, just not here yet.
Everything is ready for him. Its X's swing, X's bed, X's toys. Charles will be giving X cuddles, X kisses, and letting X watch Postman Pat with him.
We know him already.

We don't know Evelyn. Her swing isn't ready. Her toys aren't ready. Her bed isn't ready. Her clothes aren't ready. Charles isn't ready for her.
We don't know her.

And what would happen if it was Evelyn, and not X. What happens to my feelings for X? They can't just go. I'm in love with him. I would love Evelyn too yes but the feelings for X couldn't just be transferred like that and completely disappear.

The thing is, we definitely know this baby is a boy.
So none of this needs to be worried about, but it entered my head that night and has stayed with me.