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Birth Debrief: The Preparations.

Tomorrow we are heading back to the hospital where I gave birth to Harry [and Charles] to have our birth debrief.
I can't believe it was 4 weeks ago that Harry made his somewhat dramatic entrance into the world.

As time has gone on the birth isn't as raw as it was. In the first two weeks it was all I thought about. I couldn't get it out of my mind, as much as I tried.
We still have a few questions, which we are really hoping we can have the answers too so we can move on and feel a little bit better about the birth.
I am trying to think positively about it.
Remembering that my body protected me and Harry by stopping him from coming out.
Remembering that the midwife in charge of our care recognised the problem straight away and as a result we were able to get Harry out safely.

I still get the flashbacks, and these are the scariest thing of all. The fact that it all ends badly in the flashbacks. That it doesn't end how  it ended in real life, but the way it could have ended if my body hadn't of protected us and had our midwife not of detected the vessel.

The statistics also haunt me. 95% mortality rate makes me feel ridiculously lucky and so grateful.

Don't get me wrong, none of this is putting a downer on Harry being here. I am so happy, I think all of my hormones left my body along with my waters.
I'm constantly asked, "are you ok? How are you doing?" And people seem shocked when I say that I'm doing really well. Mostly then getting the reaction "really? are you sure?" YES!
I am an open person and if I was struggling or feeling down I would say. But I really am feeling amazing and hopefully once the debrief is over will feel even better.

We sat down last night and wrote our list of questions to ask the lady we are meeting with. Thinking about what happened and talking it through made us feel scared and sad again but we feel the most important thing for us to do is to talk about it with one another. I constantly ask my husband questions about the day, as I wasn't with it after having too much gas and air, and it makes it easier to talk about it. Although getting solid answers will hopefully make it easier for us also.
Just to know if it wasn't as bad as we think or in fact if we are luckier than we know.