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16.8.11

Three weeks to feel twenty-six!

In less than a months time I'll be celebrating my 26th birthday.
Ok I know a lot of my blogger friends are the other side of 30 and 26 is still really young but I'm finding it hard to deal with. Not in a "I'm getting old" kind of way but more of a "I don't FEEL 26" kind of way.

I always thought that I would feel like an adult. When in reality, I still feel like a child, well a teenager.
I am a wife, I have a mortgage, I have 2 children, yet I don't feel like an adult and it scares me.

We went to watch car racing at Yarmouth Stadium on Sunday night. I am a people watcher and was looking around a lot, seeing who else was there, what were they wearing, what was their hair like, who were they with, etc.
I spotted one woman. She had 2 children with her, a husband [partner] and an older boy. She had a very very beautiful maxi dress on which appeared to flow over a tiny baby bump.
She must've been early 30s if not mid 30s. She looked like an adult. The way she behaved and held herself was like an adult. I imagined that she'd be very organised and had a well kept house.
She was exactly how I thought I would be. How I want to be. Yet I'm not.

And as much as I try I just don't feel how I want to feel. And I don't feel that others see me as this adult. As this person who is bringing up to precious human beings, has been married for 6 years, had a good job before choosing to become a housewife, I vote [which a lot of my friends, the same age, don't do] I'm clued up and interested in most common affairs. So very much an adult.
But I just don't feel like one, look like one, or appear to be one.

At times I look at photos of me with my boys and can't accept that I am old enough to have two, let alone one that IS two, and not be judged for it and for it to be ok. I constantly think people look at me and assume that I am too young to have children, that they wouldn't even consider the fact that I may be married, that I may have been married for 6 years etc.

I try and think of ways I could dress to look more like an adult, to just be taken seriously and not seen as a young'un. How I could have my hair to look older. [to be fair, the grey hairs that are currently taking over do help!] How could I act to be seen as being older.

I've always been the type to be really offended if asked for ID when buying a bottle of wine, which others have said is silly and that I should take it as a compliment but I can't.

I'm not ready to be 26 yet. I have no problem with being 26, I love the thought of being 26, I just want to FEEL 26, I want to LOOK 26, I want to be seen as a 26 year old.

Can I achieve that in 3 and a half weeks?

This doesn't help, does it??