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18.2.12

"You Look Nice!"

Gorgeous.
Lovely.
Pretty.
Beautiful.
Stunning.
Amazing.
All complimentary words.
All words I expect most females would love to hear.

My new cabinet looks nice on the wall opposite the sofa, underneath the television.
My new car looks nice.
The new un-dented boot on my car looks nice.
My new pushchair looks nice.
The two canvas photos of the boys look nice on the wall.

I've been feeling pretty rubbish about myself lately.
I put on weight whilst pregnant with Harry and have piled on the pounds since.
I addressed my concerns with my doctor and as a result have, in the last 2/3 weeks, lost weight.
My shape has changed and is noticeable but still...I look nice.

I have no particular style. Sometimes I'm a jeans and vest/tunic girl, sometimes skirt, tights and vest, leggings and tunics or dress and tights. Or more often than not, unflattering tracksuit bottoms with a baggy or too tight top.
I don't expect a compliment the days I wear tracksuit bottoms.
In fact that day I expect to be told that I look a mess and should make an effort.

I'm always quite open and "giving" with compliments. I'll tell my friends, mum, husband etc if I think they look amazing/gorgeous/pretty etc.
I even encouraged my husband to look at a womans bottom the other day because it looked fab. I think I said "you HAVE to look at that womans bottom. I think its the best bottom I've ever seen! I wish I looked that amazing in jeans"
Little did I know we'd then have a half an hour conversation with this woman...I didn't mention her bottom but the whole time I kept thinking "I hate you for looking so great!" And although I wanted to compliment her on having such a great behind, I held off in case it was inappropriate; which it would've been, right?!

"Hi, how are you? You look nice today!"
It seems just like a routine greeting, added with a quick glance rather than a proper up and down inspection of what I'm wearing and what I look like.
"Hi Beautiful. How are you? You look pretty today"
Wow! How great that response feels...I can only imagine.

My husband is pretty good at complementing me, telling me I look nice sometimes.
Other peoples partners don't do that at all.
So I know I'm lucky.
But I'm sick of looking nice.
I don't want to look nice anymore.