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17.3.12

Pass It On: Avon Campaign

When Jenny from Mummy Mishaps posted about Avons Pass It On Campaign and shared her fantastic idea of sending the Empowerment necklace from blogger to blogger I desperately wanted to take part.
I want to help the Pass It On campaign via my blog and I have an idea. 
I am going to open up a linky and I will send this necklace onto another blogger and she needs to take a photo of herself wearing it and link the photo back here and then she needs to pass it on to another blogger who needs to do the same and so on. I am wondering how many link ups I could get by us all tagging each other .
 Would you join in and see how many women will Pass It On?
Its not a heavy necklace and box so you would only need to spend the amount of money it costs to post it to the next blogger.
1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence. That's a lot right?
I know three women who have experienced domestic violence. All three eventually left their relationship and remarried/entered a long term relationship and moved on
One of the women, who we decided to keep anonymous, has shared her story with me.

When did you first experience violence from your partner?
It was two weeks before we got married. He'd always been quite controlling, mostly with housework, but I didn't see it as a bad thing. I thought he was eager and proud.
I thought him hitting me was just a one off. He was so sorry afterwards and I didn't think it would happen again.

How often did it happen after you were married?
It was very irregular.

What caused him to lash out?
I would say he had OCD. If the house was untidy or something was out of place then he would get aggressive.
I wasn't allowed to go out. He was very jealous.

Was he controlling?
Definitely. That was the basis of everything.
I had to hand over my whole wage packet and if I bought any groceries he had to see the receipt.
He had to be 100% in control of everything, including me.
If he lost the control then he's snap.

I was very quiet if we were with friends or family. I worried that I may say something wrong and "face the consequences" when we got home.
He had no love or affection growing up, his childhood was very unhappy. His parents constantly argued. Our relationship wasn't affectionate. He wouldn't hold my hand in public through embarrassment.

Did anyone know about it?
No one at the beginning. I didn't want to tell anyone.
I loved him and didn't want anyone to think badly of him. I guess I was protecting him.
After three years I told a friend, only because we were due to go swimming and she was going to see the bruises.
My dentist knew because of a chipped tooth as a result of one incident.
My doctor eventually knew.

Did you report him at any point?
No, I couldn't. He was a policeman and reporting him would have resulted in a loss of income and severely affected our livelihood. He had run up a lot of debts so we desperately needed money coming in.
I always wondered what he thought or how he felt when he had to attend a domestic violence incident.

How long were you with him?
7 years.

Why didn't you leave him sooner?
The good times outweighed the bad at first. The violence was so infrequent and he was always sorry afterwards. He always promised it wouldn't happen again but as time went on I knew he wouldn't change.
I couldn't see a way out and was afraid to leave.

And then what happened?
I felt trapped and became very depressed. I thought this would be my life.
I ended up feeling suicidal. I couldn't see a way out and one day ended up with a bottle of Whiskey and Paracetamols.
The thing that stopped me was the thought of my family. They didn't know about the violence and I hadn't given them the opportunity to help.

Did you seek help?
At the time I didn't know where to go or who to go to. Domestic Violence wasn't talked about then so there was a lack of awareness. And simply I was afraid.

How did you get out of it?
I didn't want this to be my life. It was January when I left. I didn't want another year of going through this.

Where did you go?
To my mums. She didn't know about the violence but was supportive of my decision to leave.

How did you feel after you left? 
I was still afraid of repercussions.
He threatened to kill himself and I didn't want that on my conscious.

Were you tempted to go back?
No. It was difficult to leave and I felt guilty because I know that he loved me.
I knew I'd made the right decision.

What advice would you give to other women going through the same?
When I saw my doctor to be prescribed anti-depressants he gave me the best advice. I will never forget it. He said;

This her:

This is me.
* Disclaimer: The person interviewed isn't me. It is someone close to me. I have not suffered from domestic violence.

The Empowerment Necklace is available through your Local Avon Representative,or alternatively shop online.
*All proceeds go directly to domestic violence charity partners, Refuge and
Women's Aid.