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11.4.12

Justify and Judge {J}

Having children certainly changes everyones lives.
I've had to discover patience, sleepless nights, explodapoos, and how baby snot and sick is an everyday accessory on clothes.
I didn't think I would experience such harshness from family members.
I get the whole "they're only trying to help" thing. I accept that. But there's a line _______ and more often than not that line is being crossed.
There's a difference between being helpful, and being judgemental and completely making you feel you are a bad parent and doing things wrong.

I've had 2 relationships totally close down due to this. Everything I was doing was being judged and I was being told that everything I was doing was wrong.
DON'T co-sleep.
DON'T feed on demand.
DON'T listen to health visitors and midwives.
And certainly DON'T rest!!
Enough was enough and it resulted in this person even sending me abusive text messages and writing statuses aimed at me on Facebook, all because I decided to parent how I wanted to!
This person then attacked me over anything and everything and it resulted in me changing phone numbers eventually.

I now find I have someone else who I feel is judging me quite a lot as the boys get older. Well judging me for the way I treat Charles.
I'm quite a pushover and am aware of this so try hard to stand my ground and be "the boss".
This person seems to not get this and will ignore things I've said or not give me the support I need from them. (I am not talking about my husband by the way)
In terms of discipline I am trying various things at the moment to see what is right for us.
I follow the rule sometimes of if Charles is honest, says sorry and knows he's done wrong then he doesn't get punished. But other things need better punishment and I follow the rule of 3 times on the naughty step, after the third time, if he still misbehaves, then he goes to bed.
I also take away toys.
As my husband says, its all about consequences which I need Charles to be aware of.
Obviously at the moment I can't ground him, or employ a no tv rule as it won't mean anything to him.

Why am I even explaining it to you? Because I constantly feel like I have to justify every choice and decision I have made.
I didn't expect people to question me so much. I thought people who had "been there, done that" would at least remember what its like to be in my position, to not feel totally confident in all your choices and wanting to receive support rather than having eyes watching everything you do and judging everything you do.
I've certainly learnt more about the people I have in my life.

Thankfully I am confident in the choices I'm making but I also think parenting is about making mistakes every now and then and learning what's right for you and your family.
Which is exactly what we are doing.

J for the a-z blogger challenge. Judgemental. Judgement. Justify.