Pages

19.4.12

The Option of Quitting {Q}

  I went into Sixth Form a bit blind really. I got a place at college on a course higher than the one I'd applied for because they thought I was too good for the lower course. This was due to my experience, working with adults with head injuries and brain damage, and due to the amazing reference I was given.
For some stupid reason I decided instead to go to sixth form. I studied Sociology, Media, Psychology and English.
I dropped English pretty quick, despite loving it as a subject, and eventually went on to drop Psychology.
I left with 2 A Levels.
2 A Levels I can do nothing with.
I got a U in Sociology, or an F, I can't remember. And that was down to being offended by a couple of the questions in the exam paper and answering the questions in a ranty style rather than as an 'educated Sociology student'.
I'm not ashamed of that, I'm proud of what I believe in and want to stick up for myself when I can.
Psychology is the one I'm annoyed with.
We had to take an exam in the January. I got an E. I was quite pleased with that as others around me got a U. Then my teacher said she thought I should re-sit it because I could do better.
I loved Psychology and would go into class with files and files full of research.
So I re-sat...and got a U.
I then, rather than moving up to the second year with the rest of my class, decided to start afresh. I started the year all over again, with people a year younger than me.
I still enjoyed the class, I enjoyed the learning, the researching, everything. But a lot of our learning was down to group discussions. And the class was a shambles. My fellow students were simply doing Psychology to "be cool" so whereas I wanted to learn and digest dates, names and studies, they all wanted to talk about "Joe and oh my god what he did with Sophie and oh my god I can't even believe they would do that behind Carlas back an' dat, but it was alright because Carla was totally like getting off with Ollie but they're all mates because they were high on weed and stuff".
It was easy to quit.
And it was my only choice.

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well I wanted to manage a day care centre for adults with head injuries and brain damage. But stupid me, how would media, english and psychology help towards that.
COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE!

I quit driving lessons to move away, and then quit driving lessons then because I didn't want to take my test in Bedford, and we were moving back home anyway. I'm glad I did that in a way as I'm not sure if I was completely ready then.
But also I have my regrets. If I could drive when we moved back home then we could've got a house a little out of the way in the country as we always wanted. Instead we had to go for something a bit more central so I had access to public transport.

I quit my job in a bakery because one lady in management was a bully and a bit of a psycho and I wanted something better. Which I got, in Boots. So this was a positive move.
I then had to quit the job at Boots when we moved home and I hated it. The day I handed in my notice I felt sick. I cried non-stop on my last day. And still now I miss that job so much.
The job I went on to was rubbish and everyday I wanted to quit.
In the end my thinking was "get another job or get pregnant"...I chose the latter.
And then...I quit! Best decision EVER!

And now I'm a mummy and a wife who can drive. I didn't quit my lessons once I came home. Charles was a year old when I passed my test and he was the reason I couldn't quit. I needed to be able to drive for his sake. So we could go out and not be stuck inside most of the time.

Life isn't about quitting now. No matter how hard parenting can be you can't quit, even if you sometimes feel like it.
Its about working through those problems and issues and finding a positive solution. Rather than running away.
You can send the child off to nursery/nanny/childminder/aunty X but they come back.
Quitting is simply not an option.

The same goes with a marriage. You can't just call it a day. There's too much at stake. Too much too lose.
It's not easy to quit.
You work through it. Make changes if necessary.
We celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary on Monday and in those 7 years I've left once to stay at my mums after an argument. That was this year. And I'd had a hard couple of days with the boys.
It wasn't about quitting, or ending it. It was about getting some space and the next day when we saw each other we burst out laughing.
For us, quitting is not an option.

Q for the a-z blogger challenge. Quitting.