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3.7.12

Playing This Time Last Year

The last couple of days I've been silently playing "this time last year". Trying to remember how I was feeling, how big my bump was.
Today has been one of the most familiar days.
I remember exactly what we did.
We dropped Charles off at my mums and went for breakfast. My husband ate Eggs Benedict for the first time, I had 2 pancakes followed by Eton Mess.
We then went to collect Charles and went for a walk around Fritton Woods.
It was so hot. We walked quite far, exploring places we hadn't noticed before. I remember the walk back to the car was horrid. I was desperate for a drink, feeling hot, heavy and in pain due to the SPD/Sciatica.
Charles was hot and tired too and despite being SO pregnant I carried him for a long time.
I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening at home bouncing on the birthday ball.

I've been thinking about the birth a lot recently to see how I feel about it.
I'm better than I was but still the horrible feelings are around.
I still feel funny around pregnant women or just seeing pregnant women.
I hate talking about births.
Even now it's making me feel a bit funny.

A big challenge I've faced and overcome is seeing photos of myself pregnant.
Although it's still hard I'm at least able to look at them for a little while.

But tomorrow will be the big test.
Tomorrow will be the day I will have to really test my control over those horrible thoughts.
The what ifs.

This was me, this day, last year (with my messy kitchen!)