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19.10.11

Flashback Friday

It's really weird, writing Step Daughter. I don't see myself as a Step Daughter, and I'm guessing my Step Mum doesn't see herself as my Step Mum.
We don't really have any kind of relationship. Not through fall outs or anything, its just the way its worked out.
We get on ok, we talk and so on but never text, would never meet up away from my dad. It is a shame but we're just not that kind of people.
They got engaged before I had even met her. In fact they'd only been together a short amount of time, 2 or 3 weeks of meeting.

The wedding was difficult as I didn't want to be a bridesmaid. I didn't want to walk down the aisle behind a woman I hardly knew, next to her daughter and her son. To me the bride joins her groom at the alter. I was there to support the groom, not to support the bride.
My brother was working in Cyprus at the time and couldn't get home so I felt quite lonely that he wasn't there, even though my husband was and was really supportive.

During the ceremony I was sat by myself as my "Step Sister" had sat elsewhere rather than in the seat allocated for her and all I wanted to do was sit next to my nan, who was sat next to an empty seat, the seat which should have been accompanied by my aunty, who had died 3 months previous. I felt so sad for my nan. My biggest regret is not saying "stuff this" and being with her. I feel awful for that.

My brother would have been best-man had he been able to come home. I hoped to take over the role and become best women and was pretty hurt when I was given a lower ranking of Usherette, a role I gave myself really after not wanting to be bridesmaid.
In reality I didn't really have a role. 
I was supposed to be doing a reading as well but couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to stand there and read something I didn't believe in.

The weather was dull, I was already stressing about my hair and the rain made my fringe go all wavy and yuk. It didn't help that all photos were done on grass and our heels were slowly sinking in.
My outfit was lovely but didn't really suit me, there was a ribbon which was supposed to go around the waist, except my waist is quite high up so it didn't sit right. 

My parents split up due to infidelity and I couldn't quite get my head around my dad remarrying due to previous actions. I walked around the grounds of the place with my dad between the ceremony and meal and we discussed how I felt. I didn't bring him down on his day but he needed to know why I wasn't bouncing around smiling and totally happy.

I had previously asked if I could at least do a speech, mainly because I wanted to make sure that my brother was referred to on the day. I was told no. You can imagine how gutted I was when on the day my "step-brother" stood up and made one. 

It was a really hard day and I can't say I enjoyed it. In a way it was nice to see my dad happy yes, but looking back, I wish I was a simple guest rather than an 'Usherette'.
I ended up drowning my sorrows, drinking far too much, falling asleep on some chairs at the reception, crying to my Step Mums dad asking him to be my Granddad because I didn't have one. (to be fair he was a really lovely chap)

I spent the majority of the time dancing and telling people to get off the dance floor because it was mine and they had to watch me. I made the DJ play "Wiley, Wearing My Rolex" three times as well as "Cha Cha Slide", in which people were forced to follow my lead with the dance moves.
When I wasn't doing that I was walking around introducing myself to everyone. I wasn't introduced to anyone at the hen night either, I was sat at the end of the table with my nan and now step-nan.

Still we got a couple of decent photos out of it and it was fun almost sticking my head in the chocolate fountain.
Word of advice....don't add the chocolate from a chocolate fountain to a glass of wine. It doesn't taste nice. Stick to strawberries and marshmallows.

I was really really sick the next day.


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This week there is no theme for Flashback Friday. You can link up any post, old or new, sharing any memory you so wish.