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23.8.12

Pre School Looms

In 2 weeks time Charles is starting Pre School.
He'll be going for 15 hours a week, which have been spread over 5 days.
He is so excited and he did really well at his visit and settling in session in July. We were able to leave him within around 10-20 minutes we were walking out of the door leaving him behind. After a phone call an hour later to tell us he was doing really well the manager said "See you at 11:45".
I missed him for those little 3 hours and couldn't stop thinking about what he was doing, if he was talking to the staff, if he was talking to the other children, if he was sitting alone by himself unsure of what he was allowed to do.

Walking in to collect him, he looked so tiny, sat on little chairs. My heart fluttered and I ran over to hug him. He showed me a painting he had created whilst there, we then paid for his additional t-shirts, spoke to the manager and then ran to the car dodging the large rain drops.

We waited for a while until we received our letter informing us of his start date and session days/times. I felt a bit sick the day it arrived.
It all of a sudden felt real.
I felt like a parent.
Not a mummy.
But a parent.

Other than when he visited a Childminder briefly at the beginning of the year for one morning a week I have never really been apart from him, certainly not on a regular basis. Although the quality time with Harry will be lovely I will still miss my big boy.
I am worried about leaving him in the hands of women I don't know. Women who don't know him.

As the day looms ever closer I face constant questions from Charles.
"Am I going to Pre School today mummy?"
"Can I go to Pre School yet?"
"I'm going to make friends mummy. What will their names be?"
"Can I play with the play dough at Pre School?"

And more importantly, the statement he makes everyday settles me in my fear and guilt of sending him there.
"I really can't wait to go to preschool".