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8.11.12

Forgetting Breastfeeding Achievements

When I was breastfeeding Charles everyday seemed like an achievement. On the 14th of every month I would cheers my boobs and celebrate another month done. I wanted to get passed 14 months with Charles, simply because my mum breastfed me and my twin brother for 7 months so it seemed to beat that I would need to double it to make it fair!
We ended up reaching 18 months and then I fell pregnant with Harry and my milk supply lowered and I was in pain.
It just so happened that Charles stopped all by himself.
It broke my heart but still I'm so proud of what we achieved.

This time my goal was simple.
18 months. I am putting pressure on myself, which I know a lot of people frown upon and think isn't good but it is for me. It's important for me to reach this goal.
I guess I'm a bit OCD about certain things.
I like that Harry was born at 39+6 and Charles at 40weeks. Although would have preferred it to be exactly the same but for obvious reasons (if you've read my birth stories) Harry may not have been delivered safely.
I like the boys to have the same things. And feeding them both for the same amount of time satisfies this silly *need* of mine. Although I wouldn't stop at 18 months, I would/will carry on because I would have done the same with Charles had he not have chosen to stop.

Every month on the 5th I say a quiet woohoo for Harry being a month older and give myself a pat on the back.

Last time I seemed to have a lot more support from people. People couldn't praise me enough, which is good when it can be full of doubt and criticism from most other areas.
This time people just don't mention it. It's fine. But I'm the kind of person who every now and then just needs to be told I'm doing well.
Harry isn't amazing at eating meals so I know that most of what he is getting, most of what is making him strong, most of what is making him healthy, is coming from me. From my milk.

I took photos all the time of Charles feeding. My husband had to take photos whenever I fed in public, just for me to look back on and say "I did that!" Yet now I have very little in terms of photos and it upsets me.

I am forgetting my achievements, forgetting to treasure and record this thing that I love doing, and mostly because I feel like it doesn't count now.

Maybe people expect me to still be feeding which is why it isn't an issue.
"You did it before so why wouldn't you be doing it now?"*shrug*
I imagine that's what people think.

But now I'm going to shout it loud. Because any day could be my last day of breastfeeding. Ever.
And that day really will break my heart.

We have just 2 months to go until we reach the same length of time I fed with Charles.
This makes me very happy.
Ultimately it's up to Harry when we stop, I'm happy to keep going as long as he wants and needs my milk.

So...yay Harry and yay my boobs for **16 MONTHS OF BREASTFEEDING**