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10.11.12

Living With The Wrong Decision

For a while now I've wanted to post about this but I kept putting it off. The more I put things off the more I think about them. The more I think about them the more it takes over my head and I eventually just want to explode.

This time last year we were, well I was, planning Harrys Christening. We'd thought long and hard about the Godparents and believed we had made a good decision.

Now despite not being Christians in that, well my husband doesn't believe in God and I am open minded yet go to Church at Christmas, we were both Christened as babies and we felt that it was right for our children to be Christened too.
I think it is really important for my children to know stories from the bible, to know the real meaning of Easter and Christmas and in the future, they can make up their own minds with regards to what they believe in.

The day went well and it was lovely seeing people come together to celebrate our 4 and a half month old son. Even more lovely was hearing 3 of our friends make a commitment. Hearing them read special words and making vows, to look after our son and guide him, was a lovely feeling.

Little did we know that this day would be the last day two of his Godparents would see him.
For reasons unknown to us they felt it wasn't necessary to fulfill their vows and promises. Despite us, well me, trying to fit in a date for us to get together I was constantly met with "Hi Babe, sorry I need to cancel" or "Yeah babe, I'll look at the calendar and get back to you".
We planned a get together for the Jubilee. We spent over £120 on food and drink after I double checked that they would be coming over.
The following morning I received a cancellation message.
I was gutted.
It was a complete kick in the teeth. Even more so later on when another friend of mine, Harrys other godmother, saw Harrys Godfather shopping in Asda (the Godfather who was apparently poorly!) and the cancellation excuse was different to what we had been told.
As a result my husband told me not to make anymore effort. I was looking like an idiot now in all honestly. Chasing after them and repeatedly getting knocked back.
It was exhausting and humiliating.
And I was starting to feel angry for Harry.

I thought effort would be made for Harrys birthday. Despite both being able to go onto Facebook throughout the day I was sent a simple 'Happy Birthday' WhatsApp message late that night from his Godmother.
She came round unannounced 3 days later to drop off a card and a present. It was bedtime for the boys and whilst my husband was busy getting Charles to sleep I was laying on the sofa having skin to skin with Harry, so both of us were busy and not able to answer the door. Had I known she was coming we could have been prepared.
She left a present and card for him on the doorstep, along with a present and card for Charles (who's birthday was a month previous) on the doorstep. Sent me another WhatsApp message to which I replied apologising that we couldn't get to the door and that was the last I heard from her.

A couple of weeks later she deleted me from Facebook.

I know I did nothing wrong at any point, other than making a wrong judge of character.

I now feel a huge sense of guilt that we trusted these people with such a big role for our son. For us being a godparent isn't just about teaching about the bible but also about morals and just being a role model to your child.
I would be honoured to be asked to be someone's child's godparent. It would be something I would cherish and take very seriously.
Sadly these two didn't feel that way.
Aside from the guilt I also feel massively offended that our son obviously wasn't good enough for them.

In hindsight, maybe they weren't good enough for him.
And this is a bad choice and decision we made which I now have to live with.
I wish, more than anything, that we had listened to our instinct and chosen my husbands aunty and uncle.
I will forever regret not making the right decision.