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9.11.12

Secrets and Snooping {Flashback Friday}

So now we were engaged and just planned to, well, not make any plans. We hadn't talked about moving in together, although I was secretly looking at houses we could move in to. A lovely 3 bedroomed cottage was what I had dreamt of, not that I mentioned it to him. I knew he loved the flat he was in, and so he should have done, it was beautiful and right on the beach, but it was far too small for the two of us.
The flat downstairs was for sale and I even envisaged us buying that and converting the two flats into a house. Again, I kept this all to myself.
We were just happy being engaged and making that commitment, anything else would come when the time was right.

One morning, a month or so after we got engaged, my then-fiance had gone to the bathroom and I was left in the bedroom alone. I took his phone from the side and read his text messages. Frowned upon by some I know but sometimes it was the only way I'd know if we had any plans to see his parents.
I saw a text message from a friend of his talking about a job he had available at a radio station in Bedford.
I checked through the 'sent messages' and saw that my then-fiance had replied and was interested. Very interested. So interested that they had planned a meeting......on Christmas Eve.
I felt sick.
Where did I fit in with these plans?
He came back from the bathroom and knew nothing of my snooping.
I couldn't bring myself to talk about it, I didn't want to make him angry by admitting that I'd looked through his phone.
He was due to drop me back at my mums, where I was living at the time, but had to pop into town and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said yes as town was right near my mums, but also as I wanted to spend as much time together as possible. I didn't know if at that afternoon he would end up breaking up with me.
I remained quiet a lot of the time.
When it came to saying goodbye whilst standing next to the car I squeezed him extra tight and wouldn't let go, and started crying.
"Don't leave me, please" I said
He asked me what I meant and I admitted that I'd seen the texts on his phone.
He wasn't angry at all and apologised for not telling me. His reasoning for not telling me was that he didn't want to ruin my Christmas.

I pretty much straight away let him know that there was no way I would have a long distance relationship. I wasn't going to remain in Lowestoft, with him living in Bedford, and in three or four years time then decide that one of us would need to move.
If he was going, then I would have to go with him, or things would have to end.

He made it clear to me that really the meeting wasn't an interview type meeting. It was 99% certain that he had the job, the meeting was simply to go over the show details and so on.
I was working at Budgens at the time, when I wasn't at Sixth Form, and that day I was working 8am-7pm. I went home for my lunchbreak and he came round to have lunch. My mum left us alone in the lounge and he briefly talked through the meeting. He seemed happy and excited and I had mixed feelings. It was nice to see him so happy, especially after the station he was working at at the time had changed and had a very different atmosphere to before, mostly due to a change of management and lack of respect.

My A levels were in Media and Sociology. I couldn't do anything with those once I left Sixth Form, but the plan wasn't to leave and use my A Levels to guide me into a particular career, I basically used them to gain knowledge and as a stop gap really whilst I decided what I wanted to do.
So I had planned to get a job in retail, or in an office, or whatever I could find really.
With this in mind it made the possibility of a move easier. The fact I couldn't drive wasn't ideal but wasn't an excuse not to move, I'd have public transport or would hopefully be in walking distance of work, or my then-fiance could drop me off if needed.

We had only one day to go to Bedford and look at possible houses to rent. I had an exam in the morning of the day we had chosen but once that was out of the way we went and crammed in as many houses as we could.
It wasn't going well and by 5:30 it was dark and we had one more house to view. It had to be right or we were stuck.
Thankfully the house ticked boxes and we felt we could be happy there. It didn't have central heating but we could live without that and although some areas were tired and needed updating (kitchen and bathroom) it was liveable.
We said yes straight away and then left to go for dinner with my then-fiances soon-to-be-new-boss.

Within no time we were at my then-fiances leaving meal. It was quite a sad yet happy moment and the best bit was when, during his little speech he said:
"You can't soar with eagles when you're flying with turkeys"
Well, it didn't go down as well as we thought *cough* and we were the only ones laughing.
Then, it was time to move him to Bedford.
My mum and her boyfriend at the time helped. We hired a van and everything managed to fit in there and his car and we were able to move him with just the one journey.
I can't remember much of it, I think I was just left to make the teas, as usual. I do remember leaving a note under his pillow with wishes of a good first day at his new job and also reminding him to feed the cat.
We cried as I left.

I remember the wind being really bad and the journey home was slow and scary.
I felt really odd.
 I'd left my fiance in a town I didn't know-although he was very familiar with as he lived there a few year previous. This was also a town I would be moving to in around 6 months. He, in the meantime, would be making friends, making a life without me, and I worried incase he would enjoy it, or meet someone else.

Although I missed him I had plenty to keep my mind busy what with my A Levels, and also thinking about a wedding....because when I said I didn't want a long distance relationship the deal was:

"I move with you and we set a date for our wedding or we break up"

Remember a flashback can be from any time whether it be yesterday, last week, last month, last year or yesteryear! It can be a flashback of your own, your children, your partner or your friends. And if you don't want to write a post, then just link up a photo with a date. If you don't have time to write a new post, no problem simply link up a post you have already posted.
Make sure you check out my lovely co-hosts post too.

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