Pages

16.1.13

Time To Move On

Disclaimer: this post is not about my marriage.

There are some relationships in life you expect to have to work on, to have to put effort into, that you constantly have to put a lot of energy into.
There are other relationships that just float along. Everyone knows their role within that relationship, of course there still has to be an element of effort keeping the relationship ticking along but it's so natural that you just don't notice.
Sometimes these relationships can distort and you find yourself fighting for a relationship that should be natural.
People move on, people change, the things just happen.
Or these people are just built that way. Expecting others to run after them, feeling sorry for them. Expecting others to put in all the effort, put it all the work.
Draining so much energy.

I wonder why I do this. I put in a lot of energy into one relationship. A relationship I never ever thought I would have to fight to keep together.
I've lost count of the amount of times I've said that I'm done with putting the effort in.
I'm fed up with being unnoticed, unappreciated and feeling unloved.
It's draining, frustrating, not to mention embarrassing.
There's only so much running around you can do and I make my decision to stop, but then influenced by others I find myself running after them again, until I decide to stop.
Vicious circle.

Today I have had enough. I need to let go.
For good.
How long do I need to keep going through the heartache and humiliation?
Nothing will ever change. Because it hasn't so far.
Talking has been done, one sided of course, with the other person being the victim.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.
Especially when so much could be said. So much which has been held in for years.
Things which have been held in to protect the relationships and to protect the other person.
But what's the point anymore?

It's time to move on.
Move that wasted energy onto something positive.
Onto time with my boys, with my husband, time for myself. Time for people who matter.

I'm sick of not being good enough. I'm sick of having to hold in so many secrets, so many truths, just so other people remain happy and aren't hurt.
But what about me?

It's time I think about me, which really you would expect this person to do given their role in my life....

I just need to find the strength to keep going and to not turn round and go running back. I need to remind myself that I've done all I can.
It's completely their loss, which one day they may realise but it will be too late.