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27.3.13

Family and Marriage

For about 3 weeks before I had my first date with my (now) husband we had been emailing. We talked about our families and what we was going on in our lives at that time. I was still living with my mum and brother at that time as I was only 17 and we were going through the process of selling what had been family home before my dad left us and buying somewhere for just the three of us.
My husband mentioned that his parents were divorced and said that the break up of your parents marriage can almost put you off getting married yourself.
At the time I thought this was a sad thing to think, and I still do, but I totally understand that feeling.

As far as I was concerned our family unit was safe, secure and was unbreakable. We were happy.
Although apparently not all of us were and this resulted in my dad having an affair with my best friends mum and leaving his family home, without telling us.
Obviously this caused a huge mix of emotions and is the main cause of my anxiety and depression since.
Thankfully the 3 of us left connected and got on with it. We didn't need him anymore.

My dads unfaithfulness, lies and the way he treated me then, and since then, affected my relationship with my husband for a long time. I didn't trust him and thought he would cheat on me.
I have a constant fear over our mortgage and that it will stop being paid although deep down I know my husband would never do that to his family. Unlike my dad.

Marriage is hard.
Bringing up a family is hard.
And I think it's especially hard when you come from a broken home because if you look back to your past for reassurance you wonder what was real and what wasn't.
You look back at things you did do, or didn't do, or the things your parents did or didn't do, and wonder which experiences and lessons you can take with you on your journey of marriage and parenting.

We've been married 8 years this year and although we argue over silly things sometimes, and will sulk and moan at each other, I think we know that our marriage is ours.
We don't need to look at what others did, or didn't do, to know how to make it work, how to keep it strong and to keep it secure.

I wrote a while ago about The Fairytale. I'm not sure anyone's perfect fairytale exists. After all our fairytales tend to involve very little hard work and challenges.

The hard work and challenges make life real. And without those what would there be to be proud of?

Marriage is hard work.
Parenting is hard work.
Life is hard work.
And doing all that hard work to keep each thing ticking along, to keep everything happy, secure, and safe is something to be extremely proud of.

All we can do is promise our boys that we will continue to work hard, to face challenges and to make life the best it can be for them.
To be a happy family.
And give them the best life we can.