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23.3.13

Therapy Taught Me

It's been a week and a half since my last therapy session.
I haven't talked about therapy as openly as I would have done say last year, or the year before, because I wondered what I was getting out of it. I wondered if putting it on here was boring people, if it was a case of "oh she's talking about that again".

To keep it all fresh in my mind, to go over it and to keep working at it, reminding myself of what I need to do to be happy, to feel safe and live the best life I can I have decided to write it all down over time.

Therapy taught me that it's good to have a place to write everything down. To have somewhere to go if I am feeling a bit down, just needing somewhere to vent and to let go.
I find a lot of the time I can write something down, and then I feel much better.
It might be too personal for some but if me sharing some of these feelings makes me feel better then where is the harm?
Mental Health is such a taboo subject and making it normal, talking about it openly, is surely going to help to break that?

We shouldn't have to hide away and not talk about feeling a bit pants, or feeling anxious over things which, to others, seems irrational.

I found that by telling my therapist that I wanted to do something, or that I aimed to do X by 2 weeks I then felt I had to do it. I had no pressure from her, non-whatsoever. But I then felt like I would be proud to walk in, sit down with her and say "you know I said I wanted to go to go to the WI? Well I went. Except rather than going with two friends, I went by myself"
When I said that to my therapist she couldn't stop telling me how proud she was of me.
That made me feel amazing.
But one thing that worried me about our final session was that I wouldn't have her to go to to say "I'm going to do this, or I want to do this".

So, we agreed that it would be good for me to do that on my blog. To replace her with this.
I could replace her with a family member, I know that. But there was something different with having her in that role.
Maybe because she was there to help me move on, to support me, and only knew me in this way.
I sat in with her one day and commented on how strange it is that we sit in a room, with a stranger, and pour out our feelings, information about our personal lives, we cry, we laugh, we talk about anger and hurt and we talk about happy times.

I wrote a post on February 15th. I've Got a Plan, and once this was out there then it was pretty much, well I have to do this now.
The same happened with the WI thing. Even though the two friends I was supposed to be going with were unable to go, I had people asking me if I was going.
It wasn't a good enough excuse to say "no because my friends are not going".
The support of knowing that people were wanting to know if I was going, were wanting to know if I had gone, and indeed how I had got on was really encouraging.
So it would be silly to not use that to my advantage, and to do similar again.

Therapy Taught Me: My blog is a good thing.