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1.4.13

Living with Anxiety {A-Z Challenge}

When deciding to take part in this years A-Z Challenge I thought it would be best to get ahead with my post topics.
A was an obvious choice.
Anxiety.

I am coming to terms with having anxiety, and the other issues that come with it.
Low self-esteem
Paranoia
Depression
I'm finding it quite interesting to learn about. I've always been interested in Psychology, I studied it for my A Levels but had to drop out because the teacher had confused exams and I felt I wasn't getting what I should have got from it.

Not only am I finding it interesting to learn about anxiety but learning about how I deal with it, and my behaviours.
I'm very aware that anxiety can rule my life sometimes, but I'm also aware of how well I'm doing to fight it too.
I'm realising that only becomes a negative thing if I let it.

And I think this is somewhat true for a lot of us.
I think a lot of people use anxiety as an excuse, to get out of day to day life, going somewhere, being a part of something.
That's when anxiety becomes a negative thing.
I've done this a lot, and I still do sometimes. But I'm trying to fight it and so far am proud of the results.

I went on Sky News, LIVE, and fought my anxiety to do that.
I attended a WI meeting by myself, and fought my anxiety to do that.
Just because I did those things it doesn't make my anxiety any less severe, or make anyone else's suffering worse than mine, it just means that for a moment I was able to break free before being prisoner of it again.

Doing those things is an even greater achievement when you've taken yourself completely out of your comfort zone. You just want to run and hide and never come out.
But breaking free, and being brave, is essential. And a positive step towards the fight between me and anxiety.

I have good days and bad days. And sometimes the bad days are awful. I feel like I can't talk about them as much as a used to.
As with many other things there seems to be some kind of competition when it comes to anxiety. Who has it the worst? Who can't do X, Y and Z because of it? Etc etc.
If you live like that, then you'll never get better.
The competition is part of the reason I don't share as much as usual. I have my particular friends who I can go to now, thanks to blogging and Twitter.

And actually anxiety is one of the things that brought me and one person together and started our friendship, so it can't be all that bad.