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16.4.13

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 Married at 19, mortgage, four years living as husband and wife, and two idren by 25.
I have the life I always planned and wanted. Well, I wanted to be driving round in a Range Rover in the countryside but we'll let that one slip.

After we got married it was lovely planning what we'd do next.
Buy a house: how many bedrooms, where, decoration, etc.
Children: how many, age gap, names, etc.

After we had Charles it was lovely to plan when we'd like our second child.
I remember very soon after Harry was born feeling a bit sad. Because I'm done.
We said 2 children. We don't like odd numbers. And I'm happy, so happy, with the two I have.

Now, there's a gap. Like looking across the sea, seeing an island or another country in the distance, that's your future, but the sea. That's the gap. And it's full of confusion.
What do I do now?

Now, is when the hard work starts.
Turning my baby boys into respectable men.
Men.
Taller than me.
But I want to keep them babies for longer.

This year Charles will be going to Primary school. Full time.
I think we will all find it hard to adjust to.
And this year we will apply for Harry's preschool place for next year.
It seems far too soon to be doing either of those things.

I can't help but wonder what's next for me.
At some point I will need to find a job and get used to being a working woman.
It terrifies me.
I thought this time, with the boys, would last a lot longer.
A lot longer.

But it's gone by in a flash.
And the future, is sure to go even faster I'm sure.