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2.7.13

Ready for 2?

We have only 3 sleeps until my baby is officially no longer a baby.
Harry will be two years old.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Part of me is excited because we are going to be venturing into this brand new phase (ignoring the fact that this may coincide with the terrible twos) of development as his speech improves, he learns more words, he understands more and probably the best bit is that he will be able to communicate better with his big brother.
But then I'm sad. Sad for me, for selfish reasons. I'm now out of the "I have a baby" stage of my life. And I'm never going to get that back. I think it's made even worse because of the fact that I can't remember a lot from the newborn days, in fact the first year. I was in a fog of tiredness, birth trauma, anxiety, loneliness, and more.

When Harry hit one I thought right, I can't have another year of broken memories. I need to remember. And it worked. I do remember more. Except along with this I also decided to embrace him a lot more, to be aware of what he was doing, saying, his developments but rather than going along with him I was stuck at this 'twelve month old' stage that I so desperately wanted to cling on to, so he was still a baby and not a toddler, and I'm ashamed to admit that I've probably held him back.
I still refer to him as 'the baby' on here, on Twitter, in general conversations.
Charles is still known as 'the baby' between my husband and me, which can get quite confusing but it's just a name that's stuck.
Switching to calling Harry a toddler (which Charles thinks is hilarious) is taking a lot of adjustment. I do keep forgetting and calling him a baby, not that it's a problem of course but moving on from that might help me to accept that he is a big boy now.

He moved into a bed a couple of months ago, well we had to take one side off because he worked out how to climb out of his cotbed, (which really was only a matter of time as he is a little Houdini) and it was really the start of toddlerhood for him.
He's still breastfeeding, although I think the end is near which makes me feel sad but I'll still continue until he is ready to stop. For now it's the only way I can keep hold of the 'baby-like' moments.

Harry turning two is totally different to when Charles turned two.
When Charles turned two we were in a fluffy bubble as we were filling our time with doing special things with/for him before Harry was due to arrive 3 weeks later.
This time we don't have those kinds of distractions so everything is very real and we are more aware of what's going on.

So although Friday will be quite tough and sad for me I also cannot wait to spoil this little boy and to do all we can to make his day extra special.
Celebrating our special toddler baby.