Motivational Monday #10
I compliment people. A lot.
I have no problem telling someone if I think they look beautiful, pretty, amazing, lovely, stunning.
If we put 'selfies' in Instagram surely part of us hopes for a compliment. Even if just a small part of us.
I've always followed the rule that I won't say anything if it isn't true. I would never be offensive or hurtful. ie/ "No I don't like your hair that colour, it does nothing for your skin tone, it's awful".
I honestly think we don't compliment each other enough. I'm sure there are a few times we look at photos of each other and think "That's a really nice one of X" or "X's hair looks really nice in that one" yet we don't comment.
It's so easy to just give someone a compliment. It doesn't have to be a big compliment. You don't have to tell someone they look amazing, or beautiful, or that the shade of the nail varnish on their toes really compliments their eyes.
It wasn't until I was commenting on how fabulous everyone looked that I actually thought, maybe I'm overdoing it.
I looked at my Twitter timeline (by that I mean things I'd written) and saw lots of 'amazing' and 'stunning' and 'wow' and similar on Instagram. And I thought, as always, that people may think I was sucking up, or being fake. And sent a few private messages to friends to not make myself look so OTT.
But at the same time I wondered why I should think twice about complimenting someone.
When I was in Sixth Form I would compliment people, not all the time, it's not like I only tell people compliments all day, but if I thought A had a nice skirt on I would say, I'd even go as far to say "your bum looks nice in that" because I had that kind of friendship with A.
What actually happened, was a group of immature little girls giggled at the back and decided to call me a lesbian. I was able to rise above it and actually felt really disgusted by their behaviour because not only was it immature, but quite offensive, especially as our Sociology teacher was a lesbian.
Why does giving someone, another woman, a compliment make you gay? Or bi? Or mean you have a girl crush on them?
I'm not ashamed to say that at Britmums I looked at a couple of bloggers and thought "Wow you are really pretty", in fact there were a couple that I spotted, thought were pretty and wanted to know more about so found out who they were so I could follow them on Twitter and find out more about them. Not in a stalker way, but because yes sometimes, looks are important.
I think there are two things to remember when someone gives you a compliment:
1: Say thank you. Whether it's face to face, on Twitter or whatever. Just say thank you. Even if you don't believe the compliment. Just say thank you.
2: You don't have to compliment the person back.
Also, you don't have to comment on the way someone looks, or their appearance, or their handbag. One of my favourite ways to compliment people, well parents I should say, is on the behaviour of their children. Out and about rather than on blogs or on Twitter in this case.
We so often look down our noses, tut or comment on bad behaviour, but don't praise politeness or well behaved children enough.
How about praising parents for having children who look happy? Or children who look like they are having a great time somewhere?
I bet we would all appreciate a bit of reassurance that we are doing a good job, and what better way to feel good than for a complete stranger to compliment you.
I didn't really focus on the gestures part of the quote. But to keep it short and simple. How hard is it to hold a door or a gate open for someone? Or to let someone out of a junction? For goodness sake just say thank you!
Or a simple smile, and a hello. I love walks in the countryside or over at the marshes near our town as you can almost guarantee that if I pass an old man he will still raise his cap as he says hello to me. That I love.
I love the mark of respect, that simple little gesture, that doesn't happen nowadays....yes I know I sound old...
Slightly longer than my usual Motivational Monday posts and a little disorganised but you get the point I'm sure :-)