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21.10.13

Motivational Monday #14


At the beginning of this year, I started to notice a massive change in myself. I would stress over the smallest of things, online and in real life.
I would stress over silly things, and act in a way that I actually despise in other people.
I felt needy, I felt like I needed constant reassurance, I felt just a bit bleurgh.

I would vent whatever was annoying me on Twitter. I would post passive aggressive tweets, I would complain that people hadn't commented on a post, and just generally be a bit of a poo person to follow.
Maybe I still am, I don't know.

I made a decision to stop being that person.
I realised I wasn't being me, and I was being the exact type of person I don't like to follow on Twitter. The type of person I would sigh or tut at.
I looked at the people I really liked to follow. The ones who never ever posted those kinds of tweets.
The ones whose timelines were full of positivity, giggles and CONVERSATION.
I realised I had to change my life on Twitter. And I did that quite quickly.
But it didn't completely change the way I felt, and I was still feeling negative, and I didn't quite realise why.
I had an inkling but wasn't completely sure.

When I think about my life now, and my head now I can see a big change, and I can see small changes still happening. Mainly because I took a step back. Looked at my life, looked at what was going on, what I could change, and where I could improve.

I don't have many friends. Nothing to be ashamed of. But due to that I struggle to be positive because I can be alone with my thoughts a lot.
My husband is wonderful because I can vent a lot to him, and he has this attitude I wish I could adopt.
A laid back attitude, an easy attitude of 'just walk away' or 'don't bother anymore'.
But being a girl I sometimes need someone to bounce ideas and thoughts back with, someone who may have the same mind as me, another girl.
I wanted to be exactly like those people whose timelines I looked at, those who didn't get involved with the drama, at least not so openly anyway.
Those who have a positive attitude.

It's hard to change the way you think and the way you live. To change the person you have become and to go back to the person you once was.
But I think I'm getting there.
I have some truly lovely people in my life at the moment and I can honestly say that I'm not quite sure what I would do without them.
Although these people live in my computer, my phone and my Kindle, they mean the world to me and they may not realise it, but they are making my life a whole lot better than it felt not so long ago.
I'm surrounding myself with these positive people and without their knowing, their positivity is rubbing off on me, even though I know that I can be quite draining at times when issues crop up, and can be quite needy, but these people are able to instantly, or over a short amount of time, get rid of those feelings and make me feel a whole lot better.

I now know that if I'm feeling rubbish in life I need to take a step back, look at my problems, and find out what I want, what I want to be, and what I need to do to change that.
Learning this is a big step, and an even bigger step is to put it in action, and although it may take time it's so worth it in the end.