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2.10.14

She Was Once a Daddy's Girl

There was once a girl who adored her father. She pretty much worshipped him.
She loved hearing his voice, and would run to see him as soon as he returned from work. She couldn't spend enough time with him and wanted to be with him all the time.
She loved how he would call her his little limpet because of how she used to cling to him.

There was once a father who adored his daughter. His girl.
He made her feel like she was the best daughter he could ask for. He could be really grumpy and moody at times but she accepted that. She knew it was just what he was like, and she would ignore it.

One day the father let his girl down a lot. And for years, and years she tried to mend the hurt and heartbreak he caused, and to heal the relationship he had broken.
She tried to forget it all. But she couldn't. She tried to forgive him. And although she couldn't do that either she was able to look through all that and still love him and still want to be a part of him.
He was her daddy. And she always felt like a daddy's girl, and never wanted that to end.

But soon she realised that the relationship was mostly one sided.
He would come and go in her life. Sometimes she would see him a lot and sometimes hardly ever, due to him "replacing" her with yet another girlfriend.
Despite feeling used and confused about how important she was in her fathers life, this girl continued to make an effort. To try and salvage some of the relationship that was fading and breaking as each year passed.

She realised soon enough that the way she had been treated by her Daddy was affecting relationships elsewhere.
If she couldn't trust her daddy, then who could she trust?
She was in a relationship and constantly told her partner that she didn't trust him 100%. Something which he would take offence too, but something she felt was completely normal.
She expected everyone to let her down. After all, her dad did, so everyone else would surely?

It took a while for her to realise that just because one person lets you down, it doesn't mean everyone will. And soon enough she learnt to trust this man, who went from boyfriend to Fiance to husband, 100%. She went on to have children with him and at this point she realised that he chose her to have his children with, and that even though times might get hard and relationships might need to be worked on, he wants to be there. He chose to be in her life.

As these years came and went the relationship with her father broke even more. She began to stick up for herself more, and at times would crumble, back into the young girl who just wanted attention and love from the man who was supposed to be there no matter what.
She realised over time that something had to be done.
A relationship between a father and daughter shouldn't be awkward, it shouldn't be one sided, and it shouldn't feel forced.
There should be no hurt, no suffering, it should be solid.
But she knew this wasn't the case.

And she made the decision, after more and more breaks, to completely cut the bond and to let her father go.
She grieved for months. She grieved for the daddy he could have been, should have been and would have been if he had tried.
And for the grandad he could, should, and would have been.

She realised that although she wants that father figure in her life, she doesn't deserve one who is part time and can't stand up to the role.

She realised that with one man in her life, and two wonderful boys who will one day turn out to be wonderful men, that she didn't have anything missing from her life.
She let her father go, but she gained a husband and two sons.
Three people who show her how much they adore her and how much they need her.
Three people who couldn't live without her.
Three people who will never let her go.

She was once a Daddy's Girl.
But now she is a wife.
Now she is a mother.
And the Daddy's girl has gone.