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29.4.15

He

He made her happy. He made her smile. He made her feel good about herself.
He brought out her confidence. He made her feel beautiful.

She had expectations. She had an image of how things would be.
She played things out in her mind, of how she imagined things could be.

He confused her. At times she felt he wanted her around. He wanted her to be a part of his life, even in just a small way.
And then he pushed her away. And she felt like nothing.

She felt discarded. She felt sad. She lost her smile.
She no longer felt good about herself. Her confidence faded.
She felt ugly.

She tried to pick herself up. She plastered a fake smile on her face. She tried to make herself look nice. She tried to be a different person.
She tried to make him interested again.

She chased. Just like she always did. She felt like all she ever did was to chase people, to keep them interested, to keep them in her life.

She saw glimmers of hope. The confidence started to come back a little.
But soon enough. It was gone.

She didn't know what to do.

She felt silly.
She relied on him so much.
And as much as she realised that she needed to accept that he was fine without her in his life. And that he didn't miss her, and that he could let go of her so easily.
She couldn't do the same.
However much she tried.

She felt stuck.
The urge to chase was forever there.
She didn't feel this was a bad thing in a way, because it was proof that there was part of her that felt she was good enough. And that she was worth it.
But as much as she tried she couldn't convince him of that.

He made her question herself. He made her discover a lot about herself. In a good way but also in another way too.

She expected more from him.
He expected nothing from her.