This year I seem to have this attitude that I don't really recognise, but quite like.
I am fully embracing the fact that I have a big birthday in September and as a result I'm saying yes to a lot more opportunities and experiences, that maybe I have turned down before or would never have considered.
One of which is going on a motorbike. Even now, after doing it, I still get a bit freaked out by it and still have this "DID I ACTUALLY DO THAT?!" feeling.
My brother has a motorbike. I couldn't really tell you the engine size and stuff, but the colour is nice.
He joined us when we were staying at the barn in Somerset, and travelled from Reading on his bike. I knew that the plan for the week was for me to get on the back of the bike at some point and I agreed. I know it's something my brother wanted me to do and other than being petrified I had no other reason to say no.
With my mums bike jacket and helmet on I climbed onto the back of the bike. Seriously climbed, it's quite high up! And clung on tightly to a belt my brother was wearing and rested the other hand against the tank.
I think I pretty much froze in one position the whole time. I didn't really look around much at all, but at the same time didn't keep my eyes closed as I had expected to.
The feeling was so weird. It was odd to be on this big machine and not to be strapped on in any way.
You feel really open, and quite vulnerable, and very aware of the space around you and so on. However, it was also quite an amazing feeling. Being open like that, and also putting your trust in the person riding the bike.
I don't think I could go on the back of a bike with anyone other than my brother. I trust him completely. Hell, going on the back of a motorbike with him means I well and truly trust him with my life!
Getting off my legs felt like jelly and I felt a bit emotional. I was really quite surprised that I enjoyed it, I thought I would hate it but really...it was FANTASTIC!
I've said before, and I'm quite honest, about how much I adore my brother and I felt proud of myself for fighting against my anxiety and my fears to do something that I know meant a lot to him.
It was nice for me too that we had that time together. We weren't talking (other than when he told me I needed to lean over as we went round a roundabout) but we were enjoying that time.
Sharing that experience is something that meant a lot to me, probably because I am super soppy and a bit ridiculous.
Knowing I had that experience with him, and because of him, made it extra special and even more fun.
And in just over 5 weeks I will trust him with my life again as I go on the back of the bike again...except faster.