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18.9.15

Divorce and the Innocence of Children

The boys now know. For a while I thought it was best that they didn't, mainly because they are so young and to turn round and say "Mummy and daddy are going to not live together anymore" whilst we are still living under the same roof seemed a little too confusing and too much to put them through.

However, Charles asked some questions which eventually lead to him being told and thankfully we've managed to do it in such a way that it isn't the most devastating news for him.

I remember when my parents split, it was awful but mainly because of the situation and because I was so aware of the consequences and feelings around it all. I think the positive side to children being so young when this sort of thing occurs is that they don't get involved in the emotional side as much. They don't understand as much as someone does when they are 15, when they can take in and remember certain conversations and actions.

At 4 and 6 it's easy to distract them and to only mention the good things, or things that would make them happy.
In turn, they make it a little easier for us. They mention things that are ridiculous and so unimportant, to us at least, but things that to them mean so much.
Their innocence makes it easier.

Charles worried about whether or not we would have Nick Jnr anymore, and asked what would be on our tvs.
Harry decided that he would live with me and Charles would go with his dad.
He then decided that they would swap over half way during the week, not realising that they would then not see each other.

Charles wondered whether or not they would have two wardrobes and when I mentioned the fact that they would, and added that another good thing about having two houses is that they would kind of have two Christmases meaning Father Christmas would visit twice because he knows everything and knows that they would be celebrating with me and then with their dad. Charles' reply was..."Yeah but, does Father Christmas know that deers lose their horns?" Random, innocent and so out of the blue that I laughed until I cried.

And then there was the school playground. As we walked through and I mentioned how I would take them some days, and pick them up, and other days their dad would do the drop off and pick up...Charles decided to quite loudly inform me...."No more babies for you then!!"
And as I almost died of embarrassment I couldn't help but to laugh and to be comforted by his innocence. The innocence that helped take away some of those feelings of guilt that pick away at me.
As I try to remind myself that really we are doing the right thing, the children's reactions take away the seriousness, and provide a much needed happy distraction.