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13.11.15

Good Days Ahead

I was always someone who used to be pretty negative and had the mindset of "think negatively because then you won't be let down".
My glass was always half empty.

I suppose at times I am still like that, but not in such a negative way. At least, I don't see it to be that way.
I get told off by my mum and my friends for questioning certain things. Especially when it comes to putting myself down.

I think I'm a nice person. I am kind and I try to be funny. I would like to think that I am a good friend and I do care about other people a lot.
I suppose I struggle to understand that other people would see me as a good person too. Or that they would see the positive side of me.

I went on some online dating sites and there are various different types of men who contact you. Some good looking, some not so good looking, various ages, sizes and so on. Some after dating, but most...at least in my experience, were only really interested in one thing. And no, I didn't take any of them up on their offers...in case you were wondering.

I guess at first I found it nice. Just having that attention. But after realising that some men would message even if you didn't have a profile photo and were just really after someone to sext with and to boost their ego.
That wasn't what I wanted. I didn't like that kind of attention. I didn't want to feel used and have someone pretend they were interested in me and then after 2 messages turn the conversation to something completely inappropriate. It wasn't a great feeling but I quickly got used to it and found the block button quite useful....or would burst their bubble.

There are the good ones though. Not many of them, but there are some. I certainly didn't think one of the good ones would ever message me though.

I can't even begin to accept that anyone would find me attractive. Especially a man who I would consider out of my league. Someone who I would look at and bypass because there is no way they would ever notice me let alone speak to me, want to meet me and then see me again.
But you know...I guess sometimes lucky things happen.

I feel positive at the moment. My glass isn't half full or half empty...I am just grateful that I have a glass at all.
I have these moments when I feel really good about myself. And I think that it's down to new people who have entered my life and whether or not they happen to be around for a short time or a long time, right now, they are good for me. Very good for me.
I smile more than I have for a while and I wake up looking forward to the day. Life feels nice. Really, really nice.

And even if I have to keep pinching myself, and keep questioning how I got so lucky, my new jumper says it all.
There are good days ahead.
Finally.