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13.1.16

Dear 2016...Part One



Let’s face it. I’m not expecting you to be the best year of my life.

In the first quarter I will be going from a Mrs to a Ms. I will officially be ticking the divorced box. Ok it has all happened sooner than I expected but I knew that at some point this would happen so it’s fine.

At some point in the year I will accept an offer on my house (hopefully) and will then be looking for somewhere else for me and the boys to live. I will solely be in charge of bills.

I will have my own space. The opportunity to start afresh and make memories somewhere new. But I will be saying goodbye to somewhere I called home for 8 years. The place my children called home and the place they felt safe, warm and comforted. But we get to build that again.

If we want a sofa covered in cushions we can have just that. If we want to leave our beds unmade, leave the dishes until the morning then we can. If we decide to leave our pyjamas on the floor as we kick them off in the morning, no problem. It will just be us, with no one else to please or worry about.

But in amongst all the hard times I can’t wait for those good times you will bring.

Those new evening routines of getting the boys ready for bed, in their pyjamas and snuggling on the sofa under the warm, fluffy, snow leopard blanket watching You’ve Been Framed. Laughing, having the usual comment of “ooooo that’s not funny” and those moments where we hunt for the lost remote so we can rewind and laugh again at our favourite funny moments.

Those moments when I accidently fall asleep with one of the boys as I’m putting them to bed. And those moments when I let both of the boys sleep in my bed with me….just because we can. Even if I happen to sneak out of the bed in the middle of the night, moving into one of their beds just so I can get some sleep.

I get full responsibility of how we celebrate their birthdays. And this year, we WILL visit Colchester Zoo. 4 years ago me and Charles made this goal that we would see an Orangutan. We haven't seen one yet and we know there is one at Colchester Zoo.
As for Harry's birthday...we will plan that closer to the time.

I would love, 2016, if you could somehow fit in a holiday for me and the boys. I want to take them away. On a plane ideally. To spend a whole day, or two, or three, by a pool. Doing nothing but splashing, enjoying the sun and making perfect memories. Memories that remind me of holidays I had when I was a child. For the boys to have those moments they can talk about when they are older, just as I do.

There’s June. Oh the flirtiest month of all with all it’s beautiful plans.

The 8 day/7 night stay at the Isle of Man…once again
I get to spend 8 days with my brother. I get to make new friends and once again reunite with amazing friends we made last year.
I get to ride on the back of my brothers bike again.
I get to see the beautiful island that I fell in love with. The island that stole a piece of my heart and made me discover so much about myself.
I get to watch men wrapped in leather, sat upon the amazing machines riding at the most ridiculous speeds. I get to feel that adrenaline rushing through my body. The most adrenaline I have ever experienced, so much that it becomes overwhelming and it feels like my body is going to shut down because it cannot cope.

And maybe 2016, just maybe, you will be kind enough to let me meet a Dunlop. Michael will be fine but ultimately, if I could meet William then my dreams will come true.
Last year I was lucky enough...thanks to my super amazing brother...to speak to William on the phone. In Williams own shy, reserved, beautifully sexy Irish accent "I haven't done this before. I don't really know what to say"...yes it was awkward. I kept repeating "I wish I was there. I wish I was there". He wished me a happy birthday. I giggled.
I have 8 days to fulfill my goal. Well, not the main life goal of getting William to chuck me on the back of his bike and then ride us off into the sunset but to speak face to face and get a photo with him....well...that would be enough...I guess.

Once the TT is over, and I return home to celebrate a 7th birthday and return to work I have the excitement of a weekend in London as I once again attend Britmums Live. This year the conference celebrates it's 5th birthday...I'll defintely be using that as an excuse to dress up.

2016, I just want you to be kind, and although you will have tough tough times, just please try and be gentle.
Please let me be able to look back on you in 2017 with a smile. Let me feel successful and brave, as if I can do anything,
Let me feel like I have survived.