I'm someone who is negative a lot but I am learning to see the positive in things, and I think so far I'm doing quite well at that.
2015 was amazing in so many ways. I can confidently look back and say that despite the marriage breakdown, and tough moment around that, it was a good year for so many other reasons.
Isle Of Man
I'm not sure there is anything I can say about the Isle of Man/TT that I haven't said already. One of the most beautiful, amazing places I have ever been to. A place that pretty much changed me and was able to make me realise who I wanted to be, what I wanted in life, and what I deserved.
I didn't expect it to affect me as much as it did. I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did. And I didn't expect to find leaving as hard as I did.
Roll on June 2016!!
One of my big achievements of 2015 was driving to Somerset. We had booked a barn to stay in so we could catch up with my brother, my nan and my aunties. It was the most perfect week. Not only did I feel really proud of the driving I did but I also felt so relaxed and so happy.
I think this week was another one which made me realise that other areas of my life weren't as they should be.
I had some really special days out and then just days relaxing at the barn. My morning coffee in bed was always a lovely treat, along with dinner in the garden with a glass, or two, of proper Somerset cider.
At the beginning of 2015, if you told me I would end up with tattoos I would not believe you. And here I am, sat with 9 tattoos. I know they're not all to everyone's taste but for me, they all mean something. They are all special for their own reason and all have a meaning, something personal, and even better is that my twin surprised me by getting a semi colon in the same place as mine. I wanted us to have matching tattoos so that meant a lot.
This year.....I will definitely be getting more.
I never wanted to be a "working mum", The idea of going back to work filled me with dread and fear and made me feel sick and angry.
My marriage breakdown meant that returning to work was a necessity, I knew that and accepted it. After applying for lots of jobs I almost felt like it was never going to happen.
I had a job interview which I turned up a minute or 2 late for, and spent 55 minutes pretty much laughing and joking my way through.
I left thinking that I had no chance at the job. When a phone call came a few days later the conversation went one way and I was sure I was going to be told that I didn't have the job. Instead, I was told that there were actually no positions going but one had been opened especially for me.
Two days later, I had my first day. A week later I was given a different role and although throughout the business I am in I work with some super super lovely people, the team I work in are extra special. Straight away I felt accepted and like I'd known them all for so so long.
I feel really lucky to work with amazing people, and to be in a job that I pretty much always dreamt of.
I keep waiting for my bubble to burst.
Oh I know, I know. Way to personal but come on. I'm an open, honest person and if I can make someone else in my situation feel better then it's worth it.
When you come out of a marriage, or long term relationship, it is so hard to accept that anyone will ever find you attractive. That you will ever have any interest from anyone.
I think for me, other than.....you know....the things I have craved the most are just talking to men and being around them. I am a flirt, I can't help it, and working with men helps to cure that craving in a way really.
And then there are simple hugs and kisses. And these are probably what I really really miss. And yeah, in the last 4 months I have had a little attention in that way which has been wonderful and although I still can't help but to miss the constant affection from a proper relationship, having someone to rely on for a spoon, a cuddle and a kiss.
But just knowing that, even if I'm only good enough for a one off kiss, I'm not completely off the radar and maybe do have a chance at that romantic love thing at some point in my life again.