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18.1.16

This Coming Year...

Make more time for...

Reading. Isn't this such a cliche?! I think on a lot of peoples resolutions list you will find "Read more" or "make more time for books". I have so many books I need to read. A Kindle full...well not full but with a lot of unread books which I need to make time for.For years I haven't been able to sit in bed and read because I was always governed by whenever my ex wanted to sleep. I couldn't stay up a little longer and read in bed whilst he tried to sleep, and as a result I lost my love and passion for reading. Now I have my own space, and a chance to sit up as long as I want and read then I need to take advantage of that.

Hope for...

I went for coffee with a friend recently and we were discussing being single. Our marriages both broke up within weeks of each other so it's been nice for us both to be there for each other.
It's especially nice to have someone who says what you want to hear. So often people say "You don't need to find a man. Concentrate on finding you, on being single. There's a lot going on. Forget about men" and it's just not that easy. 
My friend and I both said we are "needy". Not in an obsessive kind of way but in that we need that comfort and affection from another human. Just to have someone there. 
I don't want to feel ashamed or be made to feel ashamed for wanting and needing a man. For wanting to have a mans company.
I spent a lot of last year "finding myself" (cliche number 2!) so that's not necessary for this year. I don't need to do that anymore. 
I'm not that kind of person who enjoys being by herself. I'm not saying I want to find my life partner, but to find someone would be quite lovely.

Remember...

Click here for Blog: Sometimes our #Grief is so big that all we can be expected to do is Breathe. http://www.texansunited.com/freddadavisjones/2012/12/23/grieving-how-to-measure-your-success/:

Be ok with...

Not being perfect. I put so much pressure on myself to want to be perfect or to make everyone else happy. I assume everyone has these expectations of me, when maybe they don't. 
I feel like I have to be perfect as a mum, as a daughter, as a twin, as a friend, as a work colleague. I need to be ok with the fact that I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to make mistakes, there will be days when I can't cope, when I'm not capable and that is ok. 

Be more...

Brave. Last year I feel like I was brave in so many ways. I pushed fears to the side when I went to Isle of Man, by flying by myself, going on the back of my brothers bike and being centimetres away from superbikes going at super speeds! I was a room moderator at Britmums Live which was scary! I took part in two 5k races. And made a decision that changed my families lives.
I want to continue being brave because beating those fears and experiencing all that I experienced last year made me this new person who I quite like.
Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say move aside, you are in the way.:

Be less...

Of an over-thinker. I am a terrible over-thinker. I am over-sensitive. I bully myself and am far too hard on myself. This has to change. It is part of me though, it's how I'm built I guess and it's hard to get out of that but I know that I do need to calm my head down and back off. 


Try to...

Document life a bit more. I need to pick up my camera and take more photos, make more videos. I think this year will be a big one in terms of family and adjustments and I think it's important for me to document the tough times but also the times when I am doing a good job and when life is going well.

Don't be afraid to...

Take inspiration from others. When it comes to video making I know I am not amazing but I like to try. I'm proud of what I have created so far. And everyone has to staet soemwhere. I absolutely adore Claire Marshall on YouTube and so many of her videos inspire me. The way she edits, the topics. 
Also....utter babe and TOTAL tattoo envy!!
Claire Marshall:

Improve on...

Time management and keeping on top of things. I am a nightmare when it comes to housework and I get distracted easily. I think being aware of this is at least a good start....


When things are tough...

When things go well...

I have never been afraid to praise myself, or to shout out "Hey! I did well at this. Praise me please". I don't want to feel ashamed to celebrate and to be proud of myself. 
At the same time, I think that when things go well, I need to stop doubting that there must be a catch. I have to stop waiting for that bubble to burst and to accept that sometimes I can have good luck and can have amazing moments.

Robert Rodriguez