Pages

17.1.16

Your Words

You might be joking.
You might not have meant it the way it came out.
You might not realise how your tone can come across.

You might think she is over-sensitive.
You might think she over-reacts.
You might think that because she likes a joke and a banter that she can take it.

But what if those words you call her, those criticisms, those little knocks, those moments that make you laugh...what if all of that actually hurts her? She tells you to stop it and you think she is joking.
She is telling you to stop for a reason.

You are making her doubt everything.
You make her doubt her confidence.
You make her doubt her ability.
You make her doubt the way she is coming across.

She gets defensive.
She gets grumpy and snappy.
You tell her she is over-sensitive.
You tell her she should know what you are like.

But after a while, it becomes too much. Those jokes are no longer funny. "Banter" becomes more than that.
She see's you and she doesn't want to approach you.
She is stand-offish. She doesn't know how to be around you or how to talk to you.
You ask if she is ok, because she "isn't herself".
You don't realise that your words have made her feel uncomfortable.
She says she is ok, because she is.
But you still question her, you push her, not realising that actually the problem is you. The problem is your words. The problem is that she worries about what you will say next.
What will you criticise next.
What will you point out about her looks, the way she dresses, what she has or hasn't done.

So next time you see her.
Next time she pops up on a text, whatsapp, or on a social media account.
Just think.
Maybe it's time you accept that she is telling you she is a nice person for a reason.
Maybe she is offering herself as a friend because that's really how she wants you and everyone else to see her.
When she tells you to stop, do it. Because maybe she isn't joking.
Maybe she doesn't want to hear it anymore.

Think about your words before you spit them out.