12.8.16

#bml16 | Instagrammed

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Quit Talking and Begin Doing

Last year I think I made a lot of decisions that changed my life.
Big decisions.
Some were easy, and some were big, hard decisions.

The big decisions however do not at all outweigh the smaller ones.
Smaller, easier decisions can be just as life changing.
They might be really obvious changes that make you wonder why on earth you hadn't done it before.

Making the decision to separate with my ex husband was massive, and it played on mind mind for a long time for months before it happened.
Once it was done it wasn't easy and there were big challenges to face but ultimately it taught me a lot, made me stronger and changed my outlook on life in a big way.

"Quit talking and begin doing"

It was the moment I realised that we spend so much time being "all talk" and need to put into action more of our ideas, plans and desires.
Life is too short for "regrets" and if the decision you have to make is something as big as ending a marriage then you have to do it, as long as you are sure that your life will be improved.

Since then I have stuck to my word. If I want to do something, and the opportunity arises, then  I say yes  if the opportunity doesn't arise then I see if there is anything I can do to bring that opportunity into my life.

There has to be questions you ask yourself when making these decisions:

"Who will it affect?"
"What's the worst that can happen?"
"Is it worth it?"
"Can it wait?"
"How much do you want it?"

There are decisions I've made that turned out to be wrong. I don't want to say I regret them because I don't really believe in regrets anymore. But there have been a couple of decisions that lead to hurt and also resulted in me questioning how people (men) see me.

But then there are other decisions that made me the person I am today.
They brought me new hobbies and interests I never thought would be possible for me. And they have brought me closer to my brother, and those choices, those decisions, were the best of my life.
Once upon a time they wouldn't have been, but for me right now, they 100% were.

I fully encourage taking risks, sticking to your word and taking life by the balls and going for it.

We only have one life.
Quit talking.
Begin doing.

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7.8.16

You Got This

Gosh life is hard at times.
Little things that build up, and you work your way to break them down and for life to be manageable and then "BOOM!" here's something big to test you too. 

Adulting is tiring. I have never felt this tired. Even when I had a newborn baby and was up all hours feeding, comforting, with little nap breaks in the day, I didn't feel as tired as this.
This mental exhaustion. Added to the physical exhaustion. It just gets a bit much.

I keep seeing all the things I am failing at. All the times I let people down.
I very rarely see success in myself and feel I have made people proud.

I put an immense amount of pressure on myself in so many areas.
I put so much pressure on myself to try and please everyone else and to make everyone else happy that I forget about myself.
I try to impress people so much that I'm starting to wonder who I really am.

As soon as I start to feel like I'm close to being settled and knowing who I am I have a set back. I know life is full of challenges but I feel like one small challenge is a domino affect for everything else.

"You got this"
I tell myself. Over and over.
Trying to convince myself and trying to believe  that I might in fact have some control over my life and be able to get through it without drifting as I am.

I wonder how I am ever going to cope and manage.
If I will ever feel in a place where I can say 'You got this".
I don't expect to be able to manage everything, or to be in control of everything, but to be in a place where I can go "ok, I kind of know how my life is right now and what I should be doing".
To have some kind of order and not a life that is as messy as my head.
For people to be able to say "Oh Lauren, yeah she's got her shit together".

For me to be able to confidently look at myself in the morning each day, smile and tell myself
"Oh Lauren, You Got This".

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