I remember shaking as I wrote the letter, knowing that although it felt like a cowards way of doing it there was no other way, I would never have been able to get the words out.
I stood as he read it. I remember not knowing what to do, how to act, what expression to pull.
I didn't cry. I didn't know whether or not to say sorry. I didn't know how he would react.
He was taking the boys camping for the weekend with his sister, which gave us both time to be away from each other to let the news sink in.
After they left I sat on the sofa. Wondering how I should be feeling. I didn't know what I should be feeling. It was weird, for the first time in a long time we hadn't done our routine "Bye, love you" goodbye.
Those words. Love you. Ones we'd said so often but for a while meant very little, were all of a sudden not part of our vocabulary. We no longer had to say them. It felt weird. It felt strange to all of a sudden not say those words.