Despite only being single a year, which although seems like a long time in the grand scheme of things probably isn't really that long, this year has been quite intense and eye-opening when it comes to dating and relationships.
I got to the point where I was really starting to doubt who I am and I think I was close to losing self respect and I didn't want to be that person.
A six day trip to Ireland with my brother was needed more than ever. Not only to celebrate our birthday but also for some breathing space. Some time for me to clear my head, to realise who or what was important, what I wanted/want, what I need and who the hell I want to be.
We spent the trip travelling the coast in our hired car, making stops at cliffs, coastlines and beautiful beaches.
We stopped at this beach because my brother was trying to find the place he could do some cliff jumping.
We didn't realise that the beach we had just pulled up at and walked onto was as beautiful as it was. It really was amazing.
So much space, so peaceful. With beautiful coastline to the left and right. Cliffs, the castle and other old buildings perched on the cliff-edge.
As I stood and videoed the landscape, and took photos of the beautiful, clear blue water and yellow sand I noticed a couple walking along in the sea.
Both in shorts and colours that complimented each other, shoes off and nowhere to be seen, I couldn't take my eyes off them.
Every now and then their feet would be in sync, and they would walk at the same pace. Left foot, then right, then left, then right. And although they were not holding hands or making any physical contact at all they would walk closely every now and then and just make a slight nudge.
They walked slowly, clearly enjoying the water lapping at their ankles, taking in the view, and enjoying each others company.
I wondered what they were talking about, how long they had been together. Were they married? Did they have children? Were they local?
I wondered if they knew how good they looked together?
If they noticed me watching them.
Knowing for a fact though, they didn't know that that moment made me realise what I wanted. And made me realise what I need.
A companion. Someone to walk with me, no phones, no bags, no camera, no distractions. Just walking together. Talking. Enjoying the others company.
But that little nudge they gave, I want that to turn into something else. For it to be a little nudge, a cheeky look and a playful giggle. Where one grabs the other one, almost instigating a playflight, which turns into a tight embrace and a passionate kiss.
The element of a strong friendship and a relationship combining.
That's what I want.
I want to be that couple on the beach. I want someone else to stand and watch us. To think to themselves that we look good together. To question all the things I questionned about that couple.
I want someone to look at us and to think "I want that".
I want to be someone else's couple on the beach.