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30.12.16

Dear 2016...Part Two


In January, the 13th to be exact, I wrote a post. "Dear 2016".

I've been struggling a bit recently, not feeling like I have got anywhere. Feeling like a bit of a failure. Like life is almost at a standstill I suppose. I am doubting myself, and my abilities massively at the moment.
Doubting myself as a person.
And I need a boost.

I wanted to look back on that post and to look back at the year I guess to look at how far I have come but also, to look at where I can improve and what I can do to make next year better.

It's been a big year. We sold our family home, I moved into a rented house which has had it's ups and downs. And we got divorced. It happened and that's that really. 
I've learnt a lot about being independent. I have learnt a lot about how disorganised I am and how shocking I am at having a routine. 

The boys have amazed me and have made me so proud. Although I think it has been easier with them being younger so they don't quite understand the emotional aspect of divorce, they do have a lot of toing and froing between our houses and I think they must feel unsettled. But overall, they have been amazing. 

I've had some pretty amazing adventures and really made the most of this freedom I have. I've been able to fit in some quality time with my brother and he is a big part of my memories from this year.
The best part about these adventures is realising how brave I can be and how breaking past that shy girl I once was is helping me to grow into the person I am now. I know that I can do more and I can only get better and that the way around that is to push my boundaries.


Work has had it's ups and downs and I am feeling more unsettled than anything at the moment, which I don't like. I always adored my job and I don't like the feeling that I'm disconnected from it at the moment. 

The main part of my Dear 2016 post was my wish to meet William Dunlop. And that wish came true. It was one of the happiest moments of my year, especially not long after meeting his brother Michael! I didn't manage to ride off into the sunset with either of them, however I have next year for that.
The TT again was a big part of my year and I think/hope it will be for many years to come. 
It even became part of a trip to Ireland with my brother as we visited the Memorial Garden for Michael and Williams dad and Uncle. Also visiting the bar run by their family, 'Joey's Bar'. 
I never thought I would be going on holidays which involved motorbikes and road racing but I did and it was incredible.  
  
I signed my last post with

Let me feel like I have survived.
I feel like I have survived. But I do feel like I have been in a fight. It has been tougher than I expected in some ways, and I have let myself down a lot. I haven't taken care of myself and although I am trying not to put pressure on myself for that, as I think I have valid reasons for where I have let myself down, I know that I can fix them and I have to be kind to myself.

Life was never going to be perfect this year but I made it through. And for that I am really proud.