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11.12.16

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but, you do have a say in who hurts you.

I can't be the only one who, as it gets to the end of the year, reflects on the year just past.
This year has been eventful. Physically and mentally draining with a lot of ups and a lot of downs.

There are certain areas I can look back on and feel completely comfortable with which I wouldn't change.
Then there are areas I would change.
And most of those are to do with how I have treated myself, my feelings more than anything.
Despite trying to avoid it, I caved and watched 'The Fault in our Stars'. I don't usually like "chick flicks" and thought I'd put it on in the background whilst doing things on my laptop/phone. But I found that soon enough I was totally engrossed in the film and towards the end there were particular lines that made me wake up I guess and to listen, because they made sense to me.

I am, and always have been, very open with my feelings. Something I'm not ashamed of and have never been ashamed of. I am one of those people who doesn't want to skirt around certain topics or issues. Life is too short and if I feel something, I'd rather someone knows. And similarly, if I don't feel something, I'd rather someone knows too.

I'm fine with that. I'm fine with how I am. However, being like that obviously leaves you open for people to take advantage, and that leads to hurt.

I've changed a lot over the last year, due to how I have been treated and due to experiences, and I feel it has made me stronger and has made me more aware of other peoples actions.
But, I've also left myself open far too much to be hurt and have wasted tears over people who are probably not worth it.

"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but, you do have a say in who hurts you". 

For 2017 I will remember this line. I will drum it into my brain until I learn from it and learn to protect my feelings, my head and more importantly, my heart.