I dont know how I am doing this anymore.
How I am coping. How I am being.
Everyday I wake up scared. Not knowing what my mind will be like that day. Unsure of how many tears will fall from my eyes. Unsure of how many times I will break from being strong.

I hear myself sob more than I hear myself laugh.
I see my mouth dip down at the sides more than I see it smile.
I abuse my body more than I look after it.
I do the same with my head.
And my heart.

I go from being settled and almost recognising that feeling of being happy to suddenly feeling a huge amount of anger.
Anger at myself, at others, and at life in general.

I struggle to trust anyone or anything in my life.
I question everyone's motives, peoples beliefs in me. My beliefs in them. Every situation.
I don't recognise myself. Or my life.
This is not how I imagined it to be.
This is not how my life is supposed to be.

When I made the decisions I did back in 2015 I knew I was doing the right thing. For me and for everyone.
I don't regret it one bit.
But I didn't realise just how hard my life would then be.

I didn't realise I would treat myself how I have and how I continue to treat myself.
Or that others would treat me how they have and how they do.
I didn't realise how lonely life can be.
How everyone else looks like they are getting on with life and how life has all these big exciting plans for them and me....I'm just here.

Lost. Alone. Scared. Overwhelmed.


Creating Unique Living Room With A Green Sofa

Living room is the area where most of the family members and incoming guests spend their most quality time. It is the place where almost do everything throughout the day. From quick surfing through the morning news headlines to the afternoon tea session of elderly parents to the cozy Saturday night brawl with friends and guests, living room sees us through the entire day. Naturally, a living space needs more attention than any place at home. Moreover, living room works as the showpiece of the home owners taste and a testimony of his culture as well.

With so much importance, you cannot leave your living room uncared for with a old creaky sofa, right? A sofa is the centerpiece furniture in a living room. So, even if you cannot give your living room a complete makeover with all new furniture, you at least need to change the old sofa with a modern and charming piece. Now, do you have a particular choice in mind in respect of colour and design? Let us suggest you a green sofa that looks pretty well in any living room. Yes, green is a colour with truly universal appeal. Green is predominantly fresh, lively and vibrant and so, a green sofa cannot at all be a misfit in most interiors.

While opting for green sofa, consider the following aspects to make a perfect choice for your interior.

1. A Soft Velvety Touch

Green is itself a soft hue with exceptional liveliness. But, if you choose your sofa material carefully, you can further augment this soft and lively finish. Just think of the soft velvety touch of a lush green sofa at the centre of your living room. It looks inviting enough from afar, let alone to the people who is sitting on it. A velvet sofa with green colour can just turn the place to a luxurious one. When it comes to the comfort of sitting on it, the velvet touch explains all.
2. Green Leather Sofa

The shine of tanned leather on a sofa bestows a kind of elegance that you do not find with any other material. Who said leather always has to come with a few original colour options ranging from tanned brown to chocolate? No, for even bright and colourful sofas and other furniture also leather is a beautiful option. A leather sofa decked all over with lush green colour can give your living space an unmatched shine and elegance.

3. Green Split Sofa

You have a really inexhaustible range of choices when it comes to sofa types and design. From large 4 or 5 seater split sofas to adjustable sofas allowing adjusting the sitting positions, you can buy all types of sofa as per your preference. Obviously, buying a sofa beside colour should have other considerations as well. You should opt for large sofas only if you have large living room with enough floor space to accommodate the new sofa. You should always ensure having done free space around the sofa and a clutter free interior. At any cost, by buying a big sofa for a small living room you should not make the space cramped and cluttered.

4. A Unique Green Theme

A living room looks fabulous when you help the space breathe with natural hues creating harmony and complementing each other to make the space a beautiful one. This spring let us suggest you to design and decorate your living area with natural green hues. Beside buying a lush green sofa as the centrepiece, buy green furnishings with little design. In this respect let us advise you about not overdoing a design as it brings monotony.

5. A Green Sofa With Couches

Do you want a lavish sofa seating for your beautiful living room? Do you have enough floor space to allow people extra leg space while sitting in separate couches? If the answers of these questions are yes, you should not look any further than a green couch sofa. Soft and absorbing couches offer the ideal sense comfort and when the lively green touches their core, they become the irreplaceable furniture options. A green couch sofa is an exquisite choice for any large living space.


Relating to 13 Reasons Why

I get annoyed at myself at how much I neglect my Netflix account. I watched Orange is the New Black, Pretty Little Liars and the odd film. Stranger Things but I've avoided the other series that other people tend to get into.
I saw Riverdale advertised on there and started to watch that and then noticed another series that kept popping up.
13 Reasons Why.
I managed to avoid it for a week and then couldn't resist. And decided that if I was going to watch it, I would binge watch it. And over 3 days I finished it.

At first I didn't like it. I didn't like the set up of it and it felt cheap and a bit too "teeny". And then as I got into it, as each episode passed, I found myself relating to a lot of what was going on.
The experiences she had with "friends", the attitude and perception she had from others.
This tv show all of a sudden went from being an almost avoidable teeny show to one I found myself emotionally invested in.

I found myself sitting there questioning my life. I thought about everyone in it and I soon had this list in my head of those who had let me down. Who continue to let me down. Who make me doubt myself and who make me feel worthless.

I have some amazing people in my life. But I do wait for them to let me down, because most people tend to.
But I realise that I can't do anything about how they treat me. I can do my best and be the best person I can be. I need to hope that if I treat them right then hopefully, they will treat me right too.

I found myself looking at other areas. At those who I can control.
Looking at ways that I can change how I was being treated. Because I think that's something we need to focus on more often in life, we don't have to accept shit from other people. We don't have to accept feeling inadequate due to others.

I am guilty of trying to hard to please other people and to impress other people and to be unappreciated or to have it unnoticed.
And I keep going. I ignore how it feels, the hurt and the neglect, because that's the kind of person I am.
But maybe that is where I am going wrong. I am allowing people to treat me in this way, and therefore allowing myself to feel this way.
Almost encouraging it.
And so I decided that rather than making the programme make me feel down, and low about my life, and the areas I should change. I will do just that.

I will remove those people, and situations that make me feel worthless and second best.
I will stop trying to be someone that I think everyone will like and will instead just be me. Whether people like her or not.

I will fight my corner when people say something hurtful. When people assume I am a certain person due to things I say or things I have done.
When people expect things from me, just because of who they perceive me to be.

You never know what anyone is going through. How they feel. How they suffer.
You might think they seem happy, strong, independent. But they might be none of those things.

I need to care only for the people who deserve it and appreciate it.
I need to focus my energy on myself, my boys, our home.
And to make sure I positively impact our lives. And make it as good as I can.

Thirteen Reasons Why.  No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other ppl Oftentimes we have no clue but we push it just the same


March Lust List

Although I've had a Pinterest account for a long time now I had mostly used it for quotes. Until two years ago when I discovered tattoos and then more recently I've become absolutely obsessed with it.
Pinning tattoos, nails, make up, hair, quotes and articles.

I wanted to put together monthly posts..."Lust Lists" sharing basically what I have been lusting after the most.

I always wanted the top of my ear pierced and after meeting a girl at Claires Accessories in Bath last year when I was visiting my brother, him saying he'd pay for it...and an encouraging glass of wine, I ended up getting it done.
I'm not going to lie, it wasn't the greatest experience of my life and I wouldn't have my ear pierced with a gun again, however, I liked the result.
But over time I felt like I wanted just one more underneath that piercing and seeing as I trust my tattooist a lot, and with encouragement from my best friend/life boss, I went ahead and booked to have it done. This time wanting a hoop instead of a stud.
I was also having a tattoo but was more scared of the piercing and had that done first at the appointment. It did hurt after and I was a bit of a wimp for the next couple of days but a week later I found myself back on that chair getting another hoop underneath the hoop I had the previous week,
Before I decided to get the second hoop I searched on Pinterest to see if there was an alternative or anything else I would have wanted instead. I'm not going to go crazy with piercings but these are a few styles I liked.

 I wanted to get more work done on my sleeve after getting the Russian Doll and had a look at the sort of styles and tattoos I want to add around it. These are a few that I really liked although will be changing in some way. The word family or Be Brave I wouldn't have, or the text around the umbrella.
I love the classic style and also encorporating flowers and floral patterns within other designs. This style fits in with my Russian Doll and also the other tattoos at the bottom of my arm.



Some days I feel numb. Some days I feel completely overwhelmed.
I keep trying to analyse it all. 
Why do I feel this way one day and not the next? And vice versa.

That's why. 
These feelings inside me all colliding and creating an explosion...that each day creates a different reaction. 

The hurt. Anger. Confusion.
The loneliness. Feeling inferior. Feeling second best.

The not knowing who I am. Who I want to be. Who I should be.
Not knowing what other people expect from me. 
Or what I expect from myself.

Sometimes I feel clear on what I want. 
On how I want my life to be right now. 
I have moments where I am clear that I am my priority. 
That no one else matters but me and my boys. 
And then those moments happen where other people feel important. 
I want to curl up in a ball and let it all out. But then I feel angry at letting this take over my mind and my body.
My eyes tingle at the thoughts of things not being simple. 
Of how things are so complicated and how I can't do anything about it. 

I feel confused over how I have let feelings take over my mind and my heart so much that there feels like no way out.
I have moments where I want to push people away, and run away from it all myself.
And then other moments where I want to hold onto them so tight and never let go.

But the realisation kicks in that I have no control. 
I'm not in control of much. 
I can't control situations and I can't control myself.
I can't control my feelings.

I try to be kind to myself. To protect myself. 
I build up these barriers, and become a little stronger, a little more harsh. 
I remember who I am and how I was this person who was once a little weak and has gradually become stronger and stronger. 
And I don't want to break that. I love that person. 
That independent person. 
But she sometimes seems so distant and small. 
Unreachable and like she will never come back, despite the amount of effort I put in. 
So matter how much I try to get her. 

And soon enough I am weak again.
Dependant on others to make me feel strong. But there is no one there. 
No one to make me feel like the person I want to feel.

I am back to fending for myself. 
To provide for myself, in every way I can.
Emotionally, mentally. 
To feel something.


Mothers Day: I Can Do This

Mothers Day used to mean something different to me. It meant a lay in, promise of the breakfast I had requested, a long soak in the bath, and a general relaxing sort of day doing whatever I wanted.
But it's different now.
Last year the boys were with their dad, something we agreed because it was his weekend with them and because it was just after his birthday so time for them to celebrate that with him. And Mothers Day wasn't the same for me anymore.

I am lucky at times with the boys. Although they can be hard work they do have such kind hearts. They will tell me I am amazing, they will look after me and will spoil me as much as they can.
This year I have the boys, but Mothers Day isn't how it is reflected in the cards.

"A day for you to feel appreciated"
"A day for you to rest"
"A day for you to feel spoilt"

Last week I got a trophy for being the best mummy. Just a general Tuesday morning, whilst Harry got ready for school, he made all this effort to make me a trophy to tell me I am the best. That meant more to me than a Mothers Day I'd be celebrating because I am told to celebrate.
I cherish those trophies, love notes, pictures, cuddles and effort that is made to tell me how they feel on any random day.

​I felt a little odd looking at cards and seeing adverts about how Mothers Day should be. It was almost another dig at how my life doesn't fit that stereotype or that ideal.
As I picked up two boys from after school club on Friday and they mentioned my present and shushed each other, hinting at what they got me, and as Charles slowly walked upstairs to his room holding a package ordering me NOT to look in his wardrobe at all between then and Sunday I realised how it is more important to them than to me.
I realised how grown up they are and how it doesn't matter that I am this parent on her own, because I have these two boys who have taken on the role as an adult in charge and have managed to get this gift into the house and to make me feel special.
I realised how being a separated parenting team can still work. How even though we are not together we are doing a good job because without him the boys wouldn't have been able to do what they have been done. They wouldn't have that sense of pride at making me feel special.

And I also realised that Mothers Day, like any day, is simply what you make it.
I want Mothers Day for me to feel pride in who I am, what I am capable of.
For me to prove I can do this, to feel strong and as though I can be the person my boys need me to be.
I don't want to be celebrated. I don't want to be told "thank you for being our mum". I want that one day to prove I am a mother.
To have one day where instead of relaxing I can prove to myself that despite my situation, despite the tough times and the moments I feel I am failing, I CAN DO THIS.

I miss that feeling of providing and of feeling like I am strong. I haven't felt it for a while.
So this Mothers Day, when the boys are in bed, I hope I can look back on the day and praise myself for doing it. For showing that I can be this mum. Not the perfect mum.
But a mum who is capable at least.


February Lust List

Although I've had a Pinterest account for a long time now I had mostly used it for quotes. Until two years ago when I discovered tattoos and then more recently I've become absolutely obsessed with it.
Pinning tattoos, nails, make up, hair, quotes and articles.

I wanted to put together monthly posts..."Lust Lists" sharing basically what I have been lusting after the most.

A little bit late with my February lust list...however here are a couple of things I was lusting after last month.

After accidently ending up with half a tattoo sleeve it was inevitable that I would have a full sleeve at some point. I didn't want to rush into anything and really liked the idea of either having a peacock on the top of my arm, finishing it off and not going further onto my shoulder and back...or a Russian Doll.
Pinterest for me is the best thing when it come to searching for tattoo inspiration and the dolls below helped me to decide that I definitely HAD to have one.

Since Christmas I have been wanting to change my hair. I tend to spend a lot of time on Pinterest looking at tattoos or quotes and decided to broaden my search and look at hair ideas.
In the past I have used it to look at short hair styles but never really to search for colour.
I was either going to go grey/silver, ice blonde, a rose gold pink or to go darker.
These were a few of my favourites.


I'm Failing My Children

I'm failing my children.
Not in every area, there are some things I do right but there are other things that I am doing wrong.

I almost took Harry to the doctor last week about his behaviour. When it came to it I couldn't go, simply because I couldn't sit there and say that sometimes his tantrums and melt downs aren't because of me. Because they are.
I am not the best mum I can be. I am lazy and I get snappy too easy. And I fail at not putting them first often enough.

Harry is off school ill today. It resulted in me having a panic attack and having spent the rest of the morning exhausted and wanting to curl up and cry because I felt like such a failure.
A failure because I was letting work down.
I was snappy with both boys this morning. Mean. And questioned Harry's feeling poorly even though it was clear that he had a slight temperature and couldn't swallow easily because of a sore throat.
I didn't put him first. I was putting work first. Putting letting them down first. And as a result fell out with my children and sat on the sofa in tears, struggling to breathe, being comforted by a 7 year old and 5 year old.

That's not right.
My children should not need to comfort me.
I shouldn't have to apologise to them for failing them. For not putting them first.
Instead of helping Charles get ready for school and making sure Harry was ok I frantically tried to work out a way around the work issue. A voice in my head was telling me to calm down. To focus on my family and not on something where there should be a process in place in case I am ill or unable to get to work for whatever reason.

These two children who rely on me. Who I have to keep alive and well were not my priority and I feel ashamed of that.
I did the school run with sunglasses on to hide my puffy eyes and tears.
We got back to the car. Harry sat in the front, promising to lay on my back when we got home and to help me breathe. Telling me we would count to 10, just as we did a week ago when again he helped count me down during a panic attack.

I filled with anger, at myself.
Why is my 5 year old promising to look after me? Why is he the one comforting me and taking charge when I am the parent?
I am the one who should be doing that for him.

And the feeling of failure came in strong. And I realised that again, as usual, my priorities were wrong.
I'd told Charles, as we walked into school, to stop snapping at me and talking to me without respect, but thinking about it, he is simply mirroring how I am talking to him.
How Harry's short fuse can simply be down to me. How I take the smallest thing out on them.
How I let everything else take over and overshadow any time with them.

They tell me I'm the best mummy, but I am far from it.
I am failing my children.


Celebrity Tattoo’s Gone Wrong


We have all heard about them. Those celebrities that get a certain someone’s name or a Latin phrase tattooed onto their body only to want it removed a week later.

It might be because it is misspelled, doesn’t exactly mean what they thought it meant or even a name of an ex-lover that they would rather not have to see every day.

Here The Laser Treatment Clinic have put together some of the worst celebrity tattoos so that you know you aren’t alone if your tattoo hasn’t gone as well as it was meant to:

Drake and the Aftershave Bottle

Just this month Drake announced that he had a new tattoo to debut to the world along with his new album. It wasn’t a naked lady, song lyrics, a symbolic picture or anything like that. Instead Drake opted for his favourite aftershave to be the muse to his latest tattoo.

He might not be regretting it yet but if he did at least there is a course of laser treatment that can remove his tattoo leaving him without his declared love for aftershave.

Clinics such as The Laser Treatment Clinic in London are experts when it comes to removing unwanted tattoos after a course of laser removal treatment. This will leave you tattoo less with healthy and clear skin.

Mike Tyson’s Facial Tattoo

This one is pretty hard to miss especially because Mike Tyson turned up one day with not only a facial tattoo but a dark coloured, tribal facial tattoo which stretched from his jaw cheek to his brow bone.

With many wondering if he had realised he had a tattoo on his face or just woke up one day and not bothered to look in the mirror this celebrity tattoo was one of the most monumental.

Jude Law And Sexy Sadie

Jude Law had a famous Beatles quote tattooed on his forearm in dedication to his ex-wife Sadie Frost. The tattoo used the quote, “You came along to turn on everyone, sexy Sadie”.

It would have been a lovely tribute to his wife until the mucky divorce left them less than friends. They separated in 2007 and after just 70 days they were divorced leaving only a scandalous autobiography from Sadie and an unwanted tattoo on Jude’s arm.

With the help of laser tattoo removal treatments, Jude had the tattoo removed just in time for the couple to be back on speaking terms almost 10 years after the divorce.

Victoria Beckham Rumoured Tattoo Removal

It has been rumoured that Victoria Beckham has started having a course of laser treatment to remove not only one but many of the tattoos she had in her youthful years.

Everything from the date her and David renewed their wedding vows to the Latin phrase she had tattooed onto her arm are set to be removed. Maybe she is after a clean start, maybe she is bored of the tattoos she had or maybe tattoos are just not very in this season!

All we ask is that before you sit down to have a picture of Rhianna or Susan Boyle tattooed across you back, you take a second to think about what you are actually doing.

And, if it’s too late, make sure you visit a tattoo removal clinic to get rid of that unwanted tattoo for you!


Still Just The Beginning

When I seperated from my ex-husband I thought I was almost at the end of "finding myself" and changing.
I felt like that freedom from the marriage and being able to spread my wings meant that I was then able to be Lauren.
I liked who I was becoming. I felt confident being her.

A year and a half later I've realised that actually, I was only at the very beginning and that the journey to finding yourself and becoming yourself isn't as easy as you may first believe.

In fact it was a conversation today with my ex-husband that actually made me realise that I'm not yet done with my transformation.
As he said "It's not good but I think you're allowed some crazy stupid moments while you get your life back on track" I was slightly offended at first.
How dare he not think my life is back on track or that I am stable! Buy given the topic of our conversation I sat for a minute and realised he was right. And actually, my life isn't back on track yet.
Last year was hectic and was a blur. And only this year as the divorce hit me and has it become real.

I think back on how my life was last year. Who I was and how I was. It has helped me in who I am becoming.
However, I often think I am taking a back step and the confident woman I was last year is being replaced by someone who is questioning who she is.

I wrote a list of how I have changed in the last year and a half and I looked at that list.
All of it to do with looks, and as I wondered whether or not it was right or wrong of me to change any of these things I focused on the fact that right now they make me feel like me. And as much as other people might not like some of my decisions, I am confident in them.
And if changing my appearance makes me feel more confident, makes me feel more me, then that is how I will continue.

Being single, being divorced, with two children, confidence is hard to come by a lot of the time.
I feel judged, constantly. I feel like I am competing with everyone.
I know I am not special. I know I am not the one who stands out. I know I am not the one anyone wants to make special memories with, or to spend any amount of time with.

So the tattoos, the lip fillers, the nails, another ear piercing, debates over a darker hairstyle, all help to build up who I want to be.
Someone different to who I was before.
Building up to someone who maybe one day, someone will look at and love.
Who someone will one day look at and appreciate.
Who someone will one day look at and think is special.
Different from the rest. And worth taking a chance on. Worth getting to know.
Worth helping to complete.
Because I can only build and create so much of me.

Whoever I am becoming. Whoever she may be. I just want her to feel loved and respected.
To be understood.
To be enough.
To be everything to someone.


The Girl Who Hated Tattoos

I've been thinking for a while about starting a little series on here about my tattoos. Whether or not anyone is interested.
But I put it off for so long.
It's almost been 2 years since I got my first tattoos and even back then I wanted to write about them but felt like a fraud.
"Three tiny tattoos does not make you a tattoo expert" I thought and put it off. I am with half a sleeve and with work started on the top. A thigh tattoo, a finger tattoo and plans for lots more.

I went to Hayley, always my blog voice of reason, and asked if she felt I was "qualified" enough to even write about my tattoos. Probably worth pointing out that Hayley does call me a "painted lady".

I realised that if I am comfortable and confident to wear my tattoos, then I should be comfortable and confident enough to write about them.

I take pride in my tattoos, and my choices.
Ok, I've already had a cover up however that was down to a poor tattooist and thankfully a new one who is an absolute star and was able to cover up my "shit birds" and basically move them elsewhere.

Mentally, it has taken a lot for me to get to the point where I want to talk about my tattoos.
In all honesty, Instagram has helped. When I post a photo of a new tattoo I get support and confirmation, I guess, that they are ok.

People have their own opinions about tattoos, and as with breastfeeding, have no problem in letting you know their opinion...invited or not!
And I tend to focus on the negative comments I've heard. And I let them take over my head too much, not in a way that I let it regret my choices, but more that it made me want to hide my tattoos away. To not talk about them.

I was at another appointment recently and as I sat and talked about my tattoos I realised how proud I should be of them. How I had a story behind each and every one.
How nothing was "because I like it" or "because it's fashionable at the moment".
Everything has a reason behind it.

I want to feel proud of how I've chosen each tattoo and to share my experiences.
I need to realise that I am qualified to talk about it and to give advice because, even though it's been a short time and I am slightly (a lot) addicted, I have been through it and so far, have no regrets and no tattoos that I am not happy with.
I have certain rules and plans when it comes to finding a tattoo I like and I want to share those ideas.

And also, I want other women to not feel ugly because they choose to have tattoos.
To not feel like they are any less attractive than anyone else.
Because that is how I was made to feel.
And over time, I've realised that it doesn't make me any less attractive.
They don't change who I am inside. They don't change me as a person.
They are simply marks on my skin.
That make me feel beautiful and so much more.

The fun of Making your Fashionable Wardrobe

Selecting apparels and clothing is one of those things which women appreciate the most. If you are also a lover of all things fashion, you must be getting crazy to check out new collections in store for the summer season & winter season. It is evident, with so many brands cropping up in the market, one tends to get confused where to buy dresses from. You know that purchasing good quality/ fabric apparels might be a bit expensive, but these clothes definitely go a long way in dressing you up beautifully.

A fashionable wardrobe is all it takes
The beauty of what you wear can easily be seen through your wardrobe i.e. by the kind of clothing you have. With many fashion brands present in the market, it becomes completely impossible for people to select the right shopping destination. However, to help you fix up the right shopping list, a trusted list of brands from which you can shop are Dorothy Perkins, Burberry, Ted Baker, Fred Perry, Converse, most of which have dedicated themselves to selling men and women clothing, kids clothing and outdoor apparel as well. Some of these brands have also moved in the segment of beauty industry by offering their loyal customers a range of good quality beauty products.

Superdry - Making a fashionable wardrobe
Every girl likes to make her wardrobe beautiful, with many pretty and beautiful dresses lined up. Apart from that, the simple desire of every girl is to have dresses of every fabric, which goes well with different weathers. Talking about fashionable dresses, how can we leave superdry store behind. Most famous for denims and outdoor wear, they have carved a name for themselves in the fashion industry. The fabric of the clothing they use is of premium quality. Going well for both men and women, they have styled the wardrobe of many. If you also require outdoor equipment or denim wear, super dry is the name you can trust.

Lacoste - Adding fashion to your styling
Again a reputed brand in the fashion industry, lacoste products are purchased and used by men and women all over. An authentic brand dealing with elegant styling and making clothing a fashion style gives them the complete touch. Lacoste fashion range varies from men, women as well as kids clothing section. They are also present widely in the beauty sector, taken care of selling beautiful and enchanting perfume fragrances, women body care needs. A brand that speaks in itself and have been present in the fashion industry for a long time has built trust in people, thereby creating loyal customers.

When thinking about the end of season sale shopping and to fill in your wardrobe with some new and stylish clothing, few of the brands such as Karen Millen sale and others can get you quality products at discounted rates. So, don’t wait, hurry and start your shopping today before the seasons sale gets finished!


Bringing positive energy into your home

Positive energy is known to be essential for good health and wellbeing, and it is certainly possible to aspire to achieve the maximum amount in your home if you follow a few simple guidelines. Take a quick look at what might work for you and apply the recommended remedies if they suit your circumstances.

First of all, the doom and gloom of your experiences of negative energy are often created by people, places or things that leave you with an impending sense that bad things might happen. To counteract this, as a general rule, you should try to seek out people, places or things that make you feel great.

These few tips may help you to speed along towards a happier result.

Acknowledge your emotions

It is a curious fact that your emotions and how you express them are known to have a direct bearing on many of your physical reactions. Theories of “mind over matter” as explored in a number of scientific trials have a lot of support, and one good way to approach these findings is to analyse the role of the senses and how these might affect your positive energy at home.


Open your eyes to the benefits of natural daylight, and be aware of how this is masked in your home as a result of curtains reducing the surface areas of windows. Instead of curtains, use wooden window shutters to let in more light and give you more control of sunlight. Opt for café-style shutters to improve your security and privacy.


Soothing music can help with a number of energy centres in your body, including blood pressure, energy levels, learning, immune system, memory, sleep and pain management. Of all the art forms, music is known to be of great value in promoting positive energy.


Pleasant aromas are known to help enhance positive feelings. If you are not already enjoying the various aromas that can be found in essential oils, which are commonly in use today, why not try a few, such as rose, peppermint and cedarwood?


Chocolate seems to be the go-to taste of the moment, and it is not at all difficult to find lots of delicious recipes online to satisfy that particular craving. Don't forget, however, that raw whole foods will help you so much more when it comes to boosting your immune system and therefore your overall sense of wellbeing.


Finally, having a pet in your home is known to bring a real boost to every individual through the sense of touch. Stroking a cat or a dog, for example, is a comforting experience for both the human and the animal. Some people find that crystals also have a powerfully positive influence, and that particular healing crystals have a great effect. Among the best examples are clear quartz, smoky quartz and rose quartz.

Hopefully, these tips will have provided some inspiration, and will help you to bring some positive energy into your home.


Closure | The River

We drove the once familiar route from our house, onto the dual carriageways, until we reached what was once a lane full of deep potholes but now was covered in smooth tarmac.

I didn't really know how I felt, or how I should feel. I couldn't quite understand why I had this urge to go to the river.
I was worried about what feelings and memories it would bring back.

I immediately remembered how I didn't really like the journey there, not that it was a long journey at all but 45ish minutes, and remembering the journey home, after a day of sailing, was tiring. I didn't miss that.

We sat and ate our supermarket picnic lunch in the car until we decided to go for a walk. We started out at the car park, looking at a couple of ducks as they decided to jump into the river rather than to wait to see if we had any treats for them. We didn't, so at least they didn't make that an awkward moment!
And once I felt like I'd eased myself into this environment, that I hadn't been to for two years, we walked along the riverbank.
Another familiar route, usually involving armfuls of sleeping bags, food, and what sometimes seemed like unnecessary items for a simple weekend stay on a wooden yacht.

I missed the view. The sound of cows in the distance, the odd flock of geese flying over, the chug of a motorboat as it floats past.
I missed seeing the reeds moving poetically in the wind. I missed seeing the currant of the water. Dodging piles of goose poo, reminding the boys to not get too close to the water (in all fairness, they never do, but parent worries and all that).

I tried to not let emotions take over me. I stayed calm, with a few moments of my eyes filling with tears.
I was here to say goodbye. I was here to let go but to be thankful of those memories.

It all seems incredibly dramatic I guess, but I've learnt to trust my intuition and to follow any urges I have. I knew there was a reason I needed to visit the river.

We stood for a while, well, I stood, the boys played with various foliage they found on the river bank. I felt like I wanted peace and unreasonably got frustrated at them being noisy. Until I thought for a bit, and switched off from my thoughts and just listened to them. They were laughing. They were having fun.

Then I knew it was time to go.
With a head that was full of memories, both good and bad, we walked back to the car and I slowly felt those memories drift away. Not that they are gone forever, but they became my past.
They are no longer part of who I am now, or part of my life now.

The only two times I went to the river in 2015 were both bad memories. I didn't want the happy times to be clouded by those two times.
So saying goodbye to the river, and getting that closure, made me understand that urge to visit so much more.

It was something I needed to do. Something I needed to let go of.
It was an overdue goodbye to that part of my life.
To the old me.

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2017 Promises

As someone who is obsessed with notebooks I couldn't resist picking one up from TKMaxx recently that had squared paper inside instead of lines or plain. I immediately decided that this would be my "blog notebook". I felt quite disappointed that my blog took such a back seat last year, when I thought it would be my escape and my place to go to vent and to talk about what was going on.

I used to be able to open my laptop and just write. But I haven't been able to do that, and I don't like it.
Instead though, I have found that pen and paper....much better!
I opened the book on a blank page and wrote "January Posts-Brainstorming" and wanted to see where it went.

I wrote the word 'promises' and made a list of promises to myself for 2017. Resolutions are crap, lets face it. They're almost made to be broken and to not be followed. But promises, I don't like breaking a promise and I feel that I need to stop making so many promises to other people and to instead start making more promises to myself.

I promise to look after myself more. I originally wrote "try to look after myself more" and then took out the word try.
I am going to make an effort to look after my skin and so far, am doing well with this! No longer going to sleep with my make up on, using products that will make my skin look and feel good.
Same goes with my hair. I used to be super lazy when it came to washing it and then making an effort to dry it and style it, and using products on it to stop it looking damaged due to heat and the fact that it is coloured. I'm starting to really understand and "get" that even the smallest amount of effort can make you feel better about yourself and more confident.
I also need to look after my health and my body in terms of exercising and my diet. Three years ago I was so proud of what I achieved and how I changed my diet but last year I let that slip massively and although I am kind to myself about that, I think it is now time to sort myself out and get back to that place where I looked and felt good.

Going along with the looking after myself more theme I need to look after my head a lot more. I have been shocking with my anti-depressants and haven't taken them as I should and spent too much time last year feeling ill because I didn't use them properly. I don't want to do that again.
I want to look into meditation and other ways of relaxing myself and keeping my head clear as much as I can.

I also need to look after my heart. I'm not sure how, or if this is even possible but I've certainly not been kind to it at all.

I promise to make the most of experiences. Really enjoying them and throwing myself into them, but also recording them to be able to keep the memories fresh.
I am really proud of the Isle of Man and Ireland videos I made last year, and the photos I took in Ireland. I didn't take as many photos at the Isle of Man which frustrated me, and more importantly I didn't use my camera enough to record memories of the boys.
I want to do more with them. I need to push myself out of my comfort zone (as I did when we went to Woburn) and to realise I am strong, brave and good enough to be able to have experiences as a family of three.

I promise to think more about myself and what I want from life. To not worry so much about other peoples opinions and what they think of my choices.
I promise to say yes to invitations and experiences. I want to look back on the year and to be able to see good times with other people, and to not just have memories of sitting at home by myself wanting to be out there.

I promise to stop burying my head in the sand and to "get shit done". I know full well that I am lazy and I do let things build up and get on top of me and I can't live like that.
I need to write to do lists, use my time more wisely, and be an adult.



Women with Tattoos | Empowered, Fearless, Wise, Authenticity, Forever

I never really liked tattoos. I certainly never thought I'd end up with half a sleeve and a thigh tattoo with a full sleeve likely to be done by the end of the year and another thigh tattoo being thought about.
Originally I was going to get some small tattoos, but when I got those it's safe to say the addiction was also etched in my skin.

Tattoos, like breastfeeding, is something everyone has an opinion on. And something everyone thinks they have the right to comment on.
People can be harsh.

I know full well that tattoos aren't for everyone. But to me, they are personal. And a critisism against my tattoo/s is a criticism against me, against my life, and against my story and my memories.
All of my tattoos have a meaning, they're not just something I saw that I liked. Not just a fashion statement.

I started to take comments personally. To wonder if I really was making myself unattractive, starting to make myself "look like a chav" and to take away my femininity.
It took away my love of my tattoos and made me for a while question whether or not I had done the right thing.

Love And Pain: 7 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos Make Better Lovers By Zara Barrie #tattoos #girlswithtattoos #identity:

Then something clicked.
The reason I got the tattoos. They are for me. They tell my story and mean a lot to me.
I don't worry about regretting them when I am older. Life is too short to regret getting a tattoo. I would rather be an old lady and regret getting a tattoo than to be an old lady and regret not getting a tattoo.
In the past two years I have considered cosmetic surgery. I wanted bigger boobs, a tummy tuck, liposuction. But for me, tattoos are the better option.
I do get lip fillers, only in my top lip, purely for vanity and confidence reasons. And it would be the same if I was to get any other cosmetic surgery. But my tattoos are more personal.
They represent me as a person. And I am proud of them.

I went on Pinterest, to give myself a boost, and searched for women with tattoos. I've been doing this now for over a year and it built my confidence about my tattoos and made me realise that it's my skin and if I feel good about myself, and I am sure of my choices, then that's a good thing.

I came across this article from Elite Daily. Not that I agree that Girls with Tattoos do actually make Better Lovers (fyi, I have tattoos and am incredibly indecisive!) but there were certain points in the article that made me feel fantastic. That made me realise I have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing to feel bad about and that actually, I am brave for having these tattoos.

Conversations come up from people, asking what the tattoos mean and I am confident to explain the reasons why. As I said, these tattoos are personal so telling people about the meanings really means I'm letting them in, I have these tattoos and completely leave myself open to questions and would feel ridiculous to say "Oh, it's personal" and to not explain what they mean.
They are all chosen for a reason and represent a certain point in my life, or a part of me, and none of this is anything I am ashamed of or too afraid to talk about.

Before you tell someone your opinion on their tattoos, particularly if it is a negative opinion, just have a read of the quotes from the article below, and try to understand why people have them.
Understand the meaning of the tattoo, what it might mean to the person, what it says about them, about their life, about their story.
Understand that they might be sharing something with you, letting you, whether you be a friend, family member or a complete stranger, into their personal world and letting you see what is special to them.

Yes some people get tattoos that they regret, or tattoos just because they are fashionable, or just because they thought it looked nice on Pinterest. But we're not all like that.