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14.9.17

First Dates

After two years of dating and not exactly the best of luck, I think I am now at that stage where I have decided to be fussy. 

I don't just want to date someone for the sake of it. To get an attention boost and to have that feeling of having a social life.

I think I now know what I want. I know what type of man I want to go for. 

I want to give it a little time and make sure the conversation is good and that there is a connection there via messages before I meet them in person. 

I want to make sure I have that feeling of excitedness and nervousness when I meet them. If that's not there, it seems pointless to even go on a date.  

​I am at the stage where I won't "put up" with anything. I won't give too many chances for someone to treat me right. If at any point I feel like something isn't right, I want to be at the stage where I am able to say "Actually, I am worth more than that" and to not take any shit.

I think that for so long I had the wrong image when I was looking for someone. I went through the "I don't fancy them but I'll date them and give it a try stage", I went through a stage where someone had to look a certain way. I went through a stage where I seemed to focus mostly on "would they be able to meet my friends" or "what would my friends say about them?". 

I've never really focused on "actually, would they make me happy? Could I have a social life with this person and be able to sit at home and relax and have a good ol' spoon with them". 

I guess I now feel a little empowered. I feel a little less like I need to impress someone else and a little more focused on someone else impressing me. 

First dates may still be horrible. And I dread them. 

But with the right frame of mind, and knowing what I want, makes it so much easier.​