15.8.18

Hesitation

I'm fed up of looking at photos which have me in them and criticising it and dissecting it due to what others may think and will say:
* Yes I put on weight
* Yes I have darker hair and some prefer it blonde
* Yes my roots are awful and I have a lot of grey hair
* Yes I have tattoos which make me look "butch" And aren't feminine (ffs!!!!)
* And all the other things

It's horrible to love a photo of you with your children, to love the pretty background, to be happy at the memory and your achievement. But to be afraid to share it because of others sucks.
Big time.

Even photos of me with my boyfriend. I think about not sharing it because I don't want people to look and think "gosh she's a dog" or "he could do better".

The only people to take photos of you being your own children. Super blury, unflattering photos to which they shout "Oh my goodness. Mummy you look beautiful".

You notice overtime how people don't take photos of you. And it's obvious why.
When you look back on memories, holidays and you even doubt yourself "was I even there?!"
You get used to it, and keep your head down when you have to, you take that step back, or to the side, when you know you might be in someone else's shot.

You take a photo. You really like it.
You are too embarrassed to share it.
You are too afraid to share it.
Because despite what people may say to your face.
You know exactly what they will be thinking or saying behind your back.



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