10.9.18

Just another day

I turn 33 tomorrow.
And I don't really feel much about it.
I don't feel happy, or excited. I don't feel sad or old.
I just feel...normal.

Birthdays changed a lot for me when I turned 30 I think. Without wanting to go into it much that year I was made to feel special in some ways and had friends who made a real effort, but in my personal life it was crap.

And other than spending my birthday in Ireland in 2016 with my twin, and being treated to Paris last year, I just don't think that birthdays are for me anymore.
Correction, I don't think my birthday is for me anymore.

I love to make an effort for other people's birthdays, those close to me.
But for my own, it's just a day.

The same as Valentine's Day and Mothers Day. Ok it was the day I was born, but I don't need gifts for that.
I don't need random people who never really talk to all of a sudden wish me happy birthday on Facebook.
I don't need a card with soppy words, wishing me the best day because let's face it, it's the same day as any other.
It's no different to yesterday, or tomorrow.

It's the same routine. The same school run in the morning. The same school run in the afternoon.
The same cats meowing for food. The same pile of washing up. The same pile of clothes needing to be sorted.
The same dinner time routine.
The same bedtime routine.

It's just another day.

I think I've felt a lot differently about "stuff" this year and as a result presents aren't of high importance. I don't feel sad at a lack of presents.
In fact I feel a bit weird to receive them just because 33 years ago I was born.
So what?

It makes me feel uncomfortable that anyone would feel the need to get me a present, or to have to sit there and think about "what can I get her?".
I even said to my mum this year, that I would rather have nothing than to have something for the sake of it.
I don't want effort for the sake of it.
To see anyone for the sake of it.
To have messages for the sake of it.
I would rather things be done because people want to do it. Not because they have to do it.

I'm old enough and have been through enough to be able to get on with my day just as it is.
Just another day.





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