13.10.18

This Life

I've wondered a lot recently if the life I'm living is the life I am supposed to be living.
If I went off course at some point, if I did something wrong, or if this is who I am supposed to be, living the life I am supposed to live.

If depression and mental health was part of my plan, or if I did something that made me deserve to have that challenge. If in my childhood up until my teenage years when it first hit, if I did something that meant I had to suffer and fight.

Do I live where I am supposed to live? Am I doing the job I am supposed to be doing? Do I look the way I am supposed to look?
And are the people in my life supposed to be in my life?

I wonder, often, if there is anything I can do to change my path. If any of it is actually a choice or if we are really supposed to take each day as it comes. Or if we make choices we don't realise we make.
If, at some point, life was supposed to be different or if we got lost and made it all routine.

Or is it too late?

At 33, with two children, have I left it too late to live where I am supposed to live, to live the way I am supposed to live, to be doing what I am supposed to be doing?
To mentally be as stable as I can.
To be settled.
To be happy.
Whether that means being in a life as society expects. Or if it means living a life that doesn't conform to that norm.
If it means not sticking to the town, or country you were born.

Is it ever too late to start this life again?
To try and live your life as it should be?
To discover who you are and how you should live?


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