8.4.19

Apostrophe



It was May last year I first discovered Imagine Dragons. Two of their songs were playing on the radio at work, one called Thunder which I LOVED instantly and another, which became my theme for the TT that year.

Whip, whip
Run me like a racehorse
Pull me like a ripcord
Break me down and build me up
I wanna be the slip, slip
Word upon your lip, lip
Letter that you rip, rip
Break me down and build me up
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do whatever it takes
'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains
Whatever it takes
You take me to the top I'm ready for
Whatever it takes
'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins
I do what it takes

With lyrics that will always remind me of the TT because they fit so well and because the lyrics are just incredible in so many ways, this has become one of my most favourite songs, and is regularly played in my house and in the car.
As well as the lyrics above that all made sense and with with the TT, I realised that there were some other lyrics that stood out to me and almost felt louder whenever I listen/ed to the song.

I'm an apostrophe
I'm just a symbol to remind you that there's more to see

The more I listened to the song the more those words seemed so prominent and so fitting. And over time I just felt like I needed that part of my story added to me, as I have with other things.
And that feeling of getting it tattooed on me was so strong that within 4 days of completely making my mind up I was sat at my tattooists.
I had designed an apostrophe which also incorporated a yin yang. I wanted it small and actually wanted it somewhere where I could see it and be reminded, and not having it hidden within my sleeve. 

 The yin yang is simple: describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Two principles, one negative, dark, and feminine (yin) , and one positive, bright, and masculine (yang) , whose interaction influences the destinies of creatures and things.

The apostrophe, the little symbol to remind me of the words in the song. "I'm just a symbol to remind you that there's more to see", means a lot in terms of who I am and how I should be seen.

I've always felt, and in fact it's a fact...not just me overthinking, that people have this certain image of me. Mainly, I guess, because I can be a bit sassy, and because I am confident when it comes to certain things, open about talking about pretty much everything. Because I am quite comfortable talking about sex.
But soon you come that and nothing else.
Because you once said you enjoy sex then, as a single person, you must want it all the time with absolutely anyone and everyone.

But there is more to me than that, and sometimes people either just don't want to know, don't care enough, or just want to see what they want to see, or even worse, just don't believe it.
They've made their mind up and that's it. They'll say they care about you, have a soft spot for you, that you are an amazing person...and in the next breathe [or message] will immediately turn it round to something sexual "because we know what you are like".

It's not even that though. It's seeing past the being a mum, seeing past being divorced, seeing past the fact that I have put on weight, that my hair is now dark, that I have a lot more tattoos than I thought I would, that I don't have the particular accent you expected me to have....or that I own 4 cats...I
was never meant to own 4 cats!

That tattoo is a reminder to me, that no matter what anyone says or how anyone makes me feel there is more to me and it is absolutely their choice to not want to see that. But I can be there to remind them that I am better than what they may assume about me.
That not only is the symbol there as a point of reference when someone else is making me feel a certain way, but when I also doubt myself.
When I wonder who I am, what I am. When I am not my greatest fan. I can look down at that tattoo, at the peach tattoo on my other wrist, that "you can be the ripest, juicest peach but someone will always hate peaches" and to remind myself that there is more to me.
That no matter what people see or who people meet, there are these different sides and different layers.

That's the story of my apostrophe.


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