When you wake up...

When you wake up and you realise that rather than the smile you had become so used to has gone, and has been replaced by a mouth that turns down at the edges. When it feels heavy and a smile feels like the hardest thing to do, it feels like so much energy and hard work to get those raised.
When you wake up and realise that those eyes that have been so big with an extra sparkle recently are likely to be filled with tears, feel heavy and small...with a sparkle that has somehow disappeared.
When you wake up and find that somehow your happiness is drained a little. You don't want to jump out of bed and get on with the day. You lay there, for as long as you can, wanting to close your eyes and for the day to just go quickly so that maybe you can wake up tomorrow being you again.
I feel confused. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be that person.
I want to be the one who has been so excited about life and about new things that have happened recently. New people, new opportunities. Instead today, I woke up with those feelings far from my mind. Instead feeling as though I am incapable of taking on those opportunities and not good enough for those new people.
I want her back. I want me back.
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